I move on.

Two Lists You Should Look at Every Morning

2012-02-08T18:12:00.002+08:00

A colleague forwarded this article the other day. It was an instant call for action, for me to sit and and ponder about what is important to me.

Here goes the article by Peter Bregman, who contributes to the Harvard Business Review Blog Network:

I was late for my meeting with the CEO of a technology company and I was emailing him from my iPhone as I walked onto the elevator in his company's office building. I stayed focused on the screen as I rode to the sixth floor. I was still typing with my thumbs when the elevator doors opened and I walked out without looking up. Then I heard a voice behind me, "Wrong floor." I looked back at the man who was holding the door open for me to get back in; it was the CEO, a big smile on his face. He had been in the elevator with me the whole time. "Busted," he said.

The world is moving fast and it's only getting faster. So much technology. So much information. So much to understand, to think about, to react to. A friend of mine recently took a new job as the head of learning and development at a mid-sized investment bank. When she came to work her first day on the job she turned on her computer, logged in with the password they had given her, and found 385 messages already waiting for her.

So we try to speed up to match the pace of the action around us. We stay up until 3 am trying to answer all our emails. We twitter, we facebook, and we link-in. We scan news websites wanting to make sure we stay up to date on the latest updates. And we salivate each time we hear the beep or vibration of a new text message.

But that's a mistake. The speed with which information hurtles towards us is unavoidable (and it's getting worse). But trying to catch it all is counterproductive. The faster the waves come, the more deliberately we need to navigate. Otherwise we'll get tossed around like so many particles of sand, scattered to oblivion. Never before has it been so important to be grounded and intentional and to know what's important.

Never before has it been so important to say "No." No, I'm not going to read that article. No, I'm not going to read that email. No, I'm not going to take that phone call. No, I'm not going to sit through that meeting.

It's hard to do because maybe, just maybe, that next piece of information will be the key to our success. But our success actually hinges on the opposite: on our willingness to risk missing some information. Because trying to focus on it all is a risk in itself. We'll exhaust ourselves. We'll get confused, nervous, and irritable. And we'll miss the CEO standing next to us in the elevator.

A study of car accidents by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute put cameras in cars to see what happens right before an accident. They found that in 80% of crashes the driver was distracted during the three seconds preceding the incident. In other words, they lost focus — dialed their cell phones, changed the station on the radio, took a bite of a sandwich, maybe checked a text — and didn't notice that something changed in the world around them. Then they crashed.

The world is changing fast and if we don't stay focused on the road ahead, resisting the distractions that, while tempting, are, well, distracting, then we increase the chances of a crash.
Now is a good time to pause, prioritize, and focus. Make two lists:
List 1: Your Focus List (the road ahead)What are you trying to achieve? What makes you happy? What's important to you? Design your time around those things. Because time is your one limited resource and no matter how hard you try you can't work 25/8.
List 2: Your Ignore List (the distractions)
To succeed in using your time wisely, you have to ask the equally important but often avoided complementary questions: what are you willing not to achieve? What doesn't make you happy? What's not important to you? What gets in the way?
Some people already have the first list. Very few have the second. But given how easily we get distracted and how many distractions we have these days, the second is more important than ever. The leaders who will continue to thrive in the future know the answers to these questions and each time there's a demand on their attention they ask whether it will further their focus or dilute it.
Which means you shouldn't create these lists once and then put them in a drawer. These two lists are your map for each day. Review them each morning, along with your calendar, and ask: what's the plan for today? Where will I spend my time? How will it further my focus? How might I get distracted? Then find the courage to follow through, make choices, and maybe disappoint a few people.

After the CEO busted me in the elevator, he told me about the meeting he had just come from. It was a gathering of all the finalists, of which he was one, for the title of Entrepreneur of the Year. This was an important meeting for him — as it was for everyone who aspired to the title (the judges were all in attendance) — and before he entered he had made two explicit decisions: 1. To focus on the meeting itself and 2. Not to check his BlackBerry.

What amazed him was that he was the only one not glued to a mobile device. Were all the other CEOs not interested in the title? Were their businesses so dependent on them that they couldn't be away for one hour? Is either of those a smart thing to communicate to the judges?

There was only one thing that was most important in that hour and there was only one CEO whose behavior reflected that importance, who knew where to focus and what to ignore. Whether or not he eventually wins the title, he's already winning the game.

I could identify with the email checking habit... and acknowledge that I have given myself to distractions many times!

Technology has made us so very efficient, and yet given us so many distractions at the same time. We think that by being kept busy with constant email checking, we are clearing work. Sometimes, to the contrary, we end up answering requests and end up not being able to complete what we were supposed to do. Worse still, we might be so overwhelmed we miss our window of opportunity for something we always wanted - yet to distracted to remember. It's time to get my focus right, and hesitate each time the email alert or phone rings.

2012-01-15T23:37:00.004+08:00

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

CHORUS
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're onto me, onto me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

You will give so much, and love your all, until one day, you can’t give anymore.

2011-12-16T00:41:00.003+08:00

It’s like karma biting back at me. Loving someone so much,and not getting the same measure in return. It feels like you have ran a mile,and the other person have only inched across the room. When you give your best and expectheartfelt appreciation, you only get a “Thanks”.

You will give so much, and love your all, until one day, youcan’t give anymore.

Why do we love? We love, to be loved in return.

In our purest of hearts and most naïve of minds, we lovemore, thinking we will receive more love in return.

And when we don’t get the measure of love we think wedeserve, we put more effort in loving. And we try even harder. The harder it is, the more desirable the otherperson seems. And time after time, we stretch our capacity to love, in hopes ofreciprocation at a level we expect. What more, since so much effort had alreadybeen put in! The cycle continues – Love, expect more love back, didn’t meetexpectation, love more, expect more….

Each time the expectation is not met, disappointmentaccumulates. With each disappointment, your expectation decreases. As yourexpectations drop, your efforts dip.

Finally, you come to a point where you do not expectanymore. Then it doesn’t matter whether the person reciprocates anymore. Youhave also given up loving.

Lessons during this period of "alone-ness"

2011-10-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

Last night, I asked God to show me if A really loved me.This morning, I saw a friend post this:

Come afternoon, I was speaking to him and I got all frustrated about our distance, how long we haven't seen each other, and I started crying and telling him how it felt like I was putting in so much effort, and he was putting little.
He told me to stop worrying, and that he loves me, and is trying to work things out. He doesn't mind waiting this out and then we can finally move together once he gets settled with his cafe business or career, if the former doesn't work out.
He said he got a little frustrated as well, when I told him about other guys giving me attention and that I was always giving him ultimatums. That was precisely because he does not seem to express himself, and when I don't know, I start imagining stuff. And me telling him all these things was in hope to get a reaction from him, to get more attention and love from him.

How would I know what I do not know, feel, or hear?

I felt better after the phone conversation. He sent me a text, and said that he was probably "quiet" because he didn't know where he was heading, or what to do with his life. He said that he loves me, but this would take a while for us to be together.

After that, I think God spoke to me.

It is not something entirely new, but He revealed something else through this situation.

Right from the start, this relationship with A was a reminder to trust God. Precisely he was not a believer, I couldn't take things for granted, like I used to. I couldn't just lean on him or any man, like I used to lean on Rallen. I had to learn to trust God.

What happened today reinforced that, and also that I had to learn: Patience

I was reminded of what J shared last night. During her previous relationship with an unbeliever, she prayed to God and gave him permission to take that guy away from her life. Ouch. that is painful. She went through a period of mourning, and waiting. But look at what we have now? Her, happily attached to D, and they are both happily serving in His house.

At my work desk, I silently thanked God that Rallen left. It is painful, but it was for the better. Look at what I have experienced in the last 8 months? I discovered new-found joys for dance, travelling, made many new friends, became more confident in myself (my self-worth is no longer in him), learnt to enjoy time alone, had the most fun I ever had in years, and most importantly, discovered who my real friends were, and appreciate my family more.

Back to Patience.
Good things are worth waiting for. In life, we don't always get what we want. It is only when we work hard for what we want, then it becomes something that we truly cherish.

I thank God that I still have a few years ahead for me, before I need to get married. For now, it just means, that loving someone doesn't mean that I have to be with the person all the time.
The distance will tell if you really want him or her, or vice versa.

I'll use this 3 years to focus on my career, and get myself refined in the arts. Meet more people, learn more, experience more. And hopefully, by then, I'll be ready.

You can know so much, yet not know at all.

2011-10-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

I used to think I know it all for myself.
I used to know what I want for my career, and how to head there, and even if it means much hurdles, I already had a part of me fulfilled, in the form of Rallen.

Dan said it was about finding the right person, whom you know you can trust, and loves you.

I thought Rallen was that person. With him, I thought I knew love, I knew what commitment was, I knew what it means when someone really loved you. Cos when someone really loves you, he would do anything for you right? He did so much for me.

Yes, he did many amazing things for me, but I have realised he couldn't actually do anything for me.

He was my encourager, my motivator, my counselor, my best friend, my companion, my strength. I went to him for everything. I probably tired him out, since he is just human after all.

I shared all my dreams, passions, needs and wants with him. I got lost sometimes, but he would always bring me back to where I started out. And right now, I have no one to bring me back to where I should be.

I don't know where I should be.

I tend to think that I am happy now, away from him, because a part of me says that it is time that I leave Singapore, and nobody should hold me back. I want to travel, and see the world. I want to meet people and experience life in different countries. This part of me could never materialise when I was with him. He did not share the same type of joy that I could find in the beauty of nature, the excitement in themed parks, the simplicity of wandering around aimlessly.

But a few has said that I am just running away from reality.
I am not sure if that is true. Am I trying to be a totally different person? I may be...but what is wrong with that?

I just want to be happy.
And maybe, happy means putting aside everything and live life simply. Maybe all that I used to want, they were not meant to be. Maybe, I gave them all up because there are too much memories. Well. I don't know anymore.

They say home is where the heart is. My heart is not here, it is not at peace. Maybe I will lead a nomad life, and make a home wherever my heart leads me. I will go, where the wind blows.

Feels like my life is on hold.
No career prospects ahead, not enough money to travel, nothing to pursue.
I need a breakthrough.

two of the things that light up my life - reflections of my current, past and future.

2010-04-04T00:48:00.002+08:00

This was done by Rallen, given to me on V-day this year. It makes my room a happier place. It's the first thing I see every morning when I wake up, encouraging me daily to look to the future, yet not to take the past for granted.

相信付出会有代价代价只是一句傻瓜

2009-08-22T23:27:00.003+08:00

傻瓜－温岚

Michael Bastian to Design for Gant - Men's Wear News - WWD.com

2009-07-23T23:34:00.001+08:00

A new directive for GANT fall 2o1o. The touch of this notable designer will definitely bring the collection to a new level. Too bad Singapore is not gonna enjoy any part of this 50-piece line.

Michael Bastian to Design for Gant - Men's Wear News - WWD.com

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Fashion Victim - Poetry

2009-07-22T21:18:00.003+08:00

The A to Zs of Fashion Victims, from Auctions, Bimbo, Catwalk, to Editor, to Journalist, to Logos, Model, Photographer.....and more... all of them described in poetry.

Here's my favourite, D for Designer,
from the book Fashion Victims by Michael Roberts:

At six years old I dressed a doll in ribbons, lace, and flowers
My father said he wished me dead and made me take cold showers.

At twelve I took my mother off to buy the spring collections
Oh, what a waste of style and taste - she hated my selections.

At twenty-one, with childhood done, I studied hard at fashion
I sewed quite well, but truth to tell, fame was my guiding passion.
I learned to pose in outre clothes and clubbed till early morning
I slept in class, they kicked my ass - and threw me out for yawning.

I changed my name at twenty-five, became a good assistant
I worked all night, was bright, polite, and never too persistent.
I so disarmed with boyish charm, my hair as soft as sable
A hedge honcho came along and offered me a label!

At thirty-five, I felt alive, no one could stop me rising
They said my clothes were "quelque chose," "amusing", "smart", "surprising."

At forty-nine, my second line was priced at several billion
I lived in castles on the Rhine, my drug bills came to millions.
I wore a wig and Quaker shoes-my own unique aesthetic-
And never hear my workers say, "He's looking quite pathetic."

At sixty-one (which I'll remain for the longest time),
I fear the days are running out, but onward still I climb.
I diet, train, have sex again - I've scored some hunky catches.
But when I go, I'll go alone, with doll's and daddy's ashes.

Origin of two-day weekend

2009-07-16T21:03:00.002+08:00

Extracted from What Am I Wearing? A Global Tour to the Countries, Factories, and People that Make Our Clothes, by Kelsey Timmerman:

According to Witold Rybczynski, author of Waiting for the Weekend (New York, 1991), the American two-day weekend has its roots in the textile industry. In 1908, a spinning factory in New England adopted a two-day weekend to accomodate the Jewish Sabbath, Saturday, to accompany the Christian Sabbath, Sunday, which had been observed for some time. Henry Ford took up the cause from there. Ford thought that the additional day off would increase consumer spending, and, specifically, increase automobile travel. Weekend road trips were good for business.

Oh you perceive my thoughts from afar.

2009-06-21T21:18:00.002+08:00

Psalms 139:1-6
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

I tried sharing this with a few people and I had to hold back tears.. because I am so touched by God.

Recently, I had a job prospect that requires major use of Mandarin. Having passed the first interview, I was informed to go for second round of interview (it would be this coming Fri).
I didn't do very well for the first round, in fact I failed miserably when I tried to converse with the interviewer in Mandarin; I barely completed two sentences.
I decided I needed to prepare for the second round with list of potential questions & answers.

As I prepared, I thought they might ask about my views about China. It dawned upon me that I had essays written during secondary school on China. I went through my cabinet of books and files to find my Chinese Essay exercise books, and thought in my head, "Who would have known I would have use of these essays?!"

The search was a little disappointing..until I found scraps of exercise sheets torn off from the books. I flipped through, it was collection of Mandarin journals and essays －周记 & 作文。I was quite surprised, these essays and reflections scored 70-80 marks. And then something struck me when I came to this essay titled, "My ideal occupation" or “我理想的职业” . Guess what, at 14 or 15 years old, I wrote:

"My ideal occupation would be a down-to-earth missionary with a big heart that serves God........"

When I read this line, I could not remember if this was a reflective essay or just imaginative. I read on.. it elaborated on how I would make a difference and help the lives of many. It went on to explain why I had such motivation to serve God..:

"Because of how I've experienced God's perfect love, I can't wait to show His goodness to the world. In the past, I lived in days of despondency, bitterness, depression, and nobody could help. I could only wallow in alcohol and cigarettes, as if they could chase away my frustrations."

At this point, God's presence filled the room. I was so touched, tears rolled down my cheeks.
I wrote that essay in my early teens, and I had not tried cigarettes or alcohol. Yet, years after, reading in my essay now, it was like God had used my essay to prophesy and ministering to me now.

Yes, I did cigarettes and alcohol some time back. But back then in my teens, how was I to know that one day I would pick up these vices and then finally read the Chinese essay that I written?

God is good. Our all-knowing God knows me so well, that back then when I was doing this essay, He was already using me to write words that would eventually serve as future encouragement to myself. Amazing.

Nike Wolverine Vs. Sabretooth Pack | Big Nike Hi & Air Max 95

2009-05-09T22:24:00.001+08:00

Nike Wolverine Vs. Sabretooth Pack | Big Nike Hi & Air Max 95

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3 things I covet for but will never get this Spring Summer 2009

2009-04-16T21:59:00.007+08:00

1. The Balmain Military Jacket. Price: US$11, 410.
It was seen on Beyonce, Victoria Beckham and Rihanna. The padded shoulder of the jacket sharpens and accentuates the silhouette and since it draws attention to the upper part of the body. I prefer the version in lighter color, making the entire look less harsh.

2. DKNY Sneaker heels. Price: Approx S$400
I always preferred street wear over high fashion. If I had the choice, I would wear sneakers to work everyday. I can't, and if I could have something like that, I'll be able to wear sneakers everyday and still look acceptable. This first caught my eye in a magazine fashion spread. Before I knew it, it was also in every other local fashion magazine.
I just saw two pairs of these at the DKNY counter at Isetan Scotts a few hours ago. One of it is in colorful print (the first pair in the series of four above) Lurve!!

3. Long flowing hair. Price: Don't Know..
See the image of the girl in band FIR above.. That's the hair I want for the longest time..... but my ends are so dried its almost impossible to happen by end of this year. Hair stylists are usually in disgust when they see my hair, a massive mop of split ends.

a world that strives for?

2009-04-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

A few days back I was having a conversation with somebody more senior regarding my career prospects. Though I was not that comfortable sharing fully on what I want for my future, I just felt the conversation was getting nowhere, I might as well be transparent about what I have in mind so that she understands why I made the decision I made.
I told her a major factor contributing to my decision was because I want to pursue further in music, to be able to have more time to do music.
She chuckled and said in a seemingly teaseful, "So idealistic!" and the next comment she made surprised me, "You siao ah hahaha"...and "Why you so naive..." And she went on about how I have to look at reality.
I just smiled back at her and listened to her words, and I tried to mentally digest them.
It didn't occur to me until much later, that those words, though delivered with light laughter, were actually rather taunting. (Yes i know i'm quite slow..)

I kept thinking about it...This is not the first time I've been put down on my dreams, but I'm rather shocked to receive this from somebody that is supposedly respectable, and of higher social status. And yes, I do look at the reality, and that is why I dare to make such a statement. To others I may be idealistic, and she's not the first one to say I am. And anyway what's wrong with being idealistic? The world says it like its a bad thing... And if that's the case, does that mean the world has no ideals to strive for? Shouldn't we all go for perfection and excellence? If not, why is the world working their life away, just to earn more for better quality in life?

I believe in the vision that God has planted in my head and I believe that I still have some years of youth to pursue that vision. Go ahead and say that I'm crazy, but yes, I'd rather be crazy than to look back in regret.

Chill out after stressful day

2009-03-30T20:29:00.002+08:00

28 March was one day after I tendered my resignation. It was one helluva exciting and stressful day managing my first and last major fashion show. Clothes, shoes, accessories, models, attendance whirlwind through my day before I settled down to catch my breath after dinner that night. I was really looking forward to meeting up with Ray and chillin' out with him at Helipad. Thanks to Dan, I got introduced to this place. Really really really nice place, which makes you wonder, if it were always that quiet. DJ Koflow was spinning that night, but we preferred to stay outdoors, relaxing under the night sky. If you're looking for exclusivity and ambience, this club/bar will definitely serve you well. Without further ado, the view at the rooftop of Helipad.

People chillin on the HUGE "H"

The view from Helipad

My Poison

My sleepy eyes

I was satisfied with the ambience and drinks. We went off early and caught the last bus. Guess what, on the bus this snazzily-dressed man caught our attention. He was in a long-sleeved green knitted top with striped pants and brown dress shoes. On his head a newsboy cap with huge headphones, in his hand a magazine "Computer Music". Woh, must be a DJ haha. And then Ray excitedly pulls out the same magazine! What a coincidence.

It's hard to say - The Used

2009-03-23T18:29:00.002+08:00

This track played again on my MP3 this morning. I held back tears. It happens over and over again everytime it plays.. The last words a friend left behind before we went separate ways.

the singer finished singing and she's walking out
the singer sheds a tear fear of falling out
and it's hard to say how i feel today
for years gone by, and i cried

it's hard to say that i was wrong
it's hard to say i miss you
since you've been gone it's not the same

my worries weigh the world how i used to be
and everything(i'm cold) seems a plague in me
and its hard to say how i feel today
for years gone by, and i cried

it's hard to say that i was wrong
its hard to say I miss you
since you've been gone it's not the same
it's hard to say i held my tongue
it's hard to say if only
since you've been gone it's not the same

worse than a fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before
worse than a fear it's the knife
but it's hard to say how i feel today
for years gone by, and i cry

it's hard to say that i was wrong
it's hard to say I miss you
since you've been gone it's not the same
it's hard to say i held my tongue
it's hard to say if only
since you've been gone i'm not the same
it's hard to say
(God it's hard to say)
it's hard to say
(God it's hard to say)
since you've been gone i'm not the same

Destiny

2009-03-11T22:41:00.002+08:00

Work has taken a toll on me recently, especially since Ray's not in Singapore.
After much complaining and thinking, and putting myself on a day's break for prayer and to ponder on what would really make me happy.. I am convinced, that
it is not money that would keep my complaining mouth shut
it is not about having lesser responsibilities that would make my life any more comfortable

It is knowing that I am pursuing something that God has called me, THAT will cause me to be more motivated.
It is actually working towards the burdens and using of the gifts God has planted in me, THAT will result in a sense of satisfaction.

I hear God's calling. I want to work towards it.

Reborn as Ashlyn Julia Tan on 28 Feb 09

2009-03-04T22:20:00.002+08:00

Ashlyn: dreams & visions
Julia: youthful, vivacious

before

after

It's been a few years since I considered water baptism. Finally, a breakthrough. My parents attended the ceremony and my mom actually came up to me after I came out of the pool to say, "OK.. now grow up already ah.. find a good Christian husband.." I guess that's her way of congratulating me. =)

Rallen fashion sia...

2009-02-21T22:29:00.002+08:00

Rallen's picture was featured in City News Style Book... Ooh.. Click on this link http://www.chc.org.sg/citynews/?p=9447 to find out what they said about his style. and guess who bought that nice bag and hat for him hahah.
Admirable nonchalance sia.

Valentines Day 2009 Pt 2

2009-02-17T22:47:00.004+08:00

Ray emailed me one day before 14 Feb 2009:

In the end, guess what, we got each other matching gifts! ha. His was the real thing of course. The one I gave him was a brown pillow which I sewed Domokun's face on, with an extra hat by the side. =)

Valentines Day 2009 Pt 1

2009-02-17T21:47:00.007+08:00

What I did on Vday this year...

1. Wakeboarding in the morning with colleagues.....

I barely managed to hold that for a few more seconds...unlike my colleague...
HOT Mama alert!

2. ZZZZZzZZzZ in the afternoon......

3. Dinner with Ray in the evening.... Yums

It was difficult to settle on a dinner place as it was crowded with queues everywhere! We were so famished, after going rounds after rounds in Central. We walked over to Liang Court and finally ordered our meal at 9:15pm at Tampopo, a japanese restaurant at Level 1. I was craving for sashimi. The sashimi at Tampopo was GGGGGGOOOOODDD! Thick, succulent fleshy salmon at only $6.50.

After dinner we walked around the Clarke Quay area and found something interesting. This young man was busking with an electronic instrument which we couldn't figure out what was... How about electronic guzheng?

This is one of my more memorable Vdays. Ha I can't remember what I did last year. Wakeboarding was really fun, despite the extremely salty water. Hope to try it again soon!

touched by the piano

2009-02-02T23:34:00.008+08:00

Now that school's out, I've been feeling less uptight about hanging out with friends and doing things at a more leisurely rate.
Just the other day I was hanging out with my poly schoolmates, lounging on the open-air balcony at Vivo City, listening and discussing about music. One of them, Owen, a hyper creative talented guy who drums, sings, plays a bit of guitar, beatbox a bit..(goes on la), he mentioned sometimes he would just put on soft music in his room, lay back and close his eyes and enjoy.
That night, when I went home, I thought to myself, why not just do what he did?

I put on my earphones and put on the "Diva-ish" playlist folder on my mp3 player. This folder contains the slow, mellow songs which I consider Diva-ish, since the singers have a big emotional voices.

First song on the list was The Voice Within - Christina Aguilera. I listened intently to emotions put into singing by Aguilera. It is a very encouraging song. In the middle of the song, I moved my focus to the background music, predominantly piano, violin and drums. The mix of strong vocals and musicality moved me and raised a thankful thought, "People might thank Abba for the music, but I really God for the music. It is way beautiful that such creativity is placed in people to put instruments and vocals together to tell stories in such an amazing way."

Second song was Only Hope - Mandy Moore. Yes i know, what sia Mandy Moore, like I sold out right. This song was written by either by Switchfoot, or Switchfoot's singer Jonathan Foreman. The opening of this song was piano. Pure piano. I was immediately drawn to the piano tune, how it blended together with the stages of the song. The more I listened, the more I was impressed with how the piano could capture the mood of the song. I was touched to tears by the end of the song, involuntarily. (I know so emo right)

Next song was Can't take take away - Mariah Carey. Another encouraging song with piano arrangements. I realised, all these powerful songs have very beautiful piano arrangements. The piano builds the story up and presents the message of the songs in such versatile manner, sometimes agressive, sometimes subtle.

After that experience, my breath was taken away by the piano. I've always loved the drums and I never knew I could be so awed by any other instrument. The amazing part about piano, is that like drums, it is also considered a percussion instrument since the keys have to be hit to produce a sound. Yet at the same time, it has the anatomy of a stringed instrument, allowing it to produce such melodious tunes.

I guess this is what loving music all about, dismantling the elements behind music pieces and enjoy each element like a wine connoisseur, in order to appreciate the full beauty of a music piece.

Spot the similarity

2009-01-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

Introducing Domo-Ray.........

DIY music video COOL

2009-01-25T16:07:00.002+08:00

Was doing my assignment on new media when I chanced upon this really cool video.
This characters and props in the video was made with materials like paper and glue! Really cool stuff. Hard work and patience though!
Check it out:

Bubblicious from Rex The Dog on Vimeo.

NO SCHOOL NO MORE

2009-01-19T23:40:00.003+08:00

I just officially attended my last day at school.
No more books and readings, no more exams that I have to cram for
No more jittery presentations, no more long long long train rides
No more boring lectures, no more memorizing theories
No more no more

No more!

I feel such relief - I feel I can do anything I want now (Except that I still have two assignments to submit by Feb)

I am so gonna work towards the things I believed in for so long.
Starting with drumming. Jam session on Thursday! Wooh.

No Doubt is back no doubt about it!

2009-01-14T14:17:00.005+08:00

It's been awhile since I heard new songs or new album from No Doubt. I thought they disbanded since Gwen went solo and I wondered what Adrian Young, Tony and Tom were busy with. And not forgetting their wacky energetic touring keyboardist/trumpeter/trombonist Stephen Bradley & Gabrial Mcnair. Of course, Gwen also has her sons and fashion labels (L.A.M.B & Harajuku Lovers) to keep herself occupied. But no, they are gonna be back in action this summer and headlining New Yorks largest music festival, The Bamboozle. Wish I could be there too.
At the same time right now, they are working on new music.

More of No Doubt to come in 2009!

2009

2009-01-04T20:22:00.002+08:00

2008 was good. 2009 shall be greater. It is time to realign myself with God's purpose for my life. It is time to stop whining about the could haves and what ifs. Now is the time to breathe faith and live bold, to exercise discipline and remain faithful to the dreams I've so imagined.

Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize.

I look at my surroundings, my situation. Everything seemed impossible. But I know God looks at me and says we'll get there, a step each time, a little change everyday.

21st Birthday Party Invite by Ray

2008-12-08T23:32:00.002+08:00

This concept was by Rallen, i just tweaked the colours and added the words. Isn't this so pretty?
All secondary school ex-classmates, teammates, CMM close friends, cellgroup/zone friends, Strikeforce are invited =) Have sent out the invite via facebook/sms. If YOU KNOW AND YOU KNOW I MISSED YOU OUT, please forgive me and tell me I did. Hope I didn't!

Dress theme is Plaid, Checks and Stripes. (If you wonder what Plaid is, it is the checkered-like background in my invite. Think Burberry & Scottish kilts.)

Alright, See you there then! Can't wait.

Cutest Music Video ever - for those in love

2008-11-24T23:58:00.005+08:00

This is like the cutest music video ever! Dedicated to all the sweet-loving couples out there, I'm sure you can identify with the playful sarcasms and you will love it. I first saw this video when a friend sang to it at a KTV session - first time watching this video already warmed my heart. Cheers & Enjoy!

败给你

S: 明明讲冷笑话象冻到北极
还要我陪你吃冰
恋爱是什麼逻辑
算算星座和命理到底谁在你心里
你这麼惊天地就要一路证明
谁在乎我有的比
当我一遇上你却那麼情不自禁
甘愿被你蹂躏
你什麼时候要回去你们火星
我越来越介意做梦也梦到你就像是我的天敌
E: 你爱罗嗦又爱生气
喜欢我还嘴硬
好面子要加三级
S: 好像被你吃定
败给你说话的眼睛
败给你微笑的魔力
不知不觉想每天跟你在一起
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO LOVE
败给你少一根神经
爱上你这是我的命
我们世界连斗嘴都有默契
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO
E: 请问何必把我抓得那麼紧
只是穿得性感些而已明明你很自恋
绕了那后照镜
我心中你是第一名耐心还有爱心
爱不是有帅气就可以
拜托你别一直耍嘴皮
OH MY OH MY OH MY OH MY
S: 什麼时候要回去你们火星
我越来越介意做梦也梦到你
就像是我的天敌
E:很奇怪只要看到你就变得好开心 (S: 有吗)
我已不能判你出局
S: 好想把你吃定
败给你说话的眼睛
败给你微笑的魔力
不知不觉想每天跟你在一起
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO LOVE
败给你少一根神经
爱上你这是我的命
我们世界连斗嘴都有默契
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO
S:败给你爱上了你看到小狗就蹲下去
一直亲你一定充满我没发现的爱心
E: 败给你爱上你看不见你会生病
原来我也有害怕你突然不见的危机
S: 你也有温柔的时候
害我抬起头以为天上下著红雨
不然就是我还没有睡醒
这样一个我乘以这样一个你
竟然等于我爱你
爱上你一天又一天又一天
我败给你说话的眼睛 (E:我败给你)
败给你微笑的魔力 (E: 我爱上你)
不知不觉想每天跟你在一起 (E: 想每天跟你在一起)
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO LOVE
败给你少一根神经 (S: 我败给你)
爱上你这是我的命 (S: 我爱上你)
我们世界连斗嘴都有默契
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO
败给你说话的眼睛(E: WOO 败给你)
败给你微笑的魔力 (S: YEAH YEAH YEAH)
不知不觉想每天跟你在一起
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO LOVE
败给你少一根神经 (E: WOO 败给你)
爱上你这是我的命 (S: 我败给你 E: 爱上你)
我们世界连斗嘴都有默契
WOO BABY BABY WOO BABY BABY WOO
MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD
MY GOD MY GOD 真的败给你
MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD

Believing in God's Providence

2008-11-21T23:51:00.002+08:00

I usually don't, but I woke up real early today. I got to church by 8am to wait for Shona. I felt great honour to be able to attend Asia Conference, even though it was only two sessions. The first session that I attended today, changed my life and mindset.

Following to my previous post, I guess a sweet little birdie must have been praying for me because God gave me the rhema answer to all my worries and rants through Dr. A.R.Bernard's preaching today.

Dr. A.R.Bernard started talking about Obama's win in the American Presidency Election and mentioned God was in the midst of all these, drawing reference to Nebuchadnezzar's reign as king during babylonian times. (Daniel 2:20-23) Nebu was not the natural choice, but God placed him in power. In the US, McCain was the preferred choice for most Christian believers. However, Obama's winning reflected God's intervention - it was not because he was God's special ordained one, but it was a result of a perfect storm (financial crisis, US policies..etc); so God stepped in providentially to interrupt the natural sequence of things.

I look at my situation.. It seemed pretty stuck and I'm pretty unhappy. This message really encouraged me to believe that God can, and HAS started moving in my life providentially when I started feeling unhappy and wanting CHANGE in my life! I am now just waiting for the kairos moment for a meaningful change to take place so that the course of my life can go towards for God had meant for.

What I am going through now, being broke, unhappy with overworking and lack of time, frustrations and exhaustion, it is the perfect storm that will eventually subside to unveil God's providential favour in my life.

I speak this. into existence.

Amen.

rat race

2008-11-18T23:10:00.003+08:00

It's the time of the month again. The time when I put on a thick skin going to my mom, sister and boyfriend for money. It's approaching the time of the month for school fees to get deducted from my account and I panic because I have barely enough to last the week. It is the time the ATM tells me that withdrawing $30 is impossible because amount exceeds the balance. It is the time when I cross my fingers in withdrawing $20 so that I can pay the cab uncle who's still waiting for me at the taxi stand when i'm running office errands.

Now, go ahead and judge me. I barely shop, and barely do wild and lavish hangouts. I tried bringing home-cooked leftovers to work for lunch for awhile (until I got sick of it, sorry mom). And I'm still broke.

Mid-months are usually gloomy for me - and this cycle never stops.
I'm beginning to feel like I'm stuck in the rat race. And this makes me even sadder.

There's only going to be more bills and loans to pay, soon enough. People barely get out of the rat race do they? Study loans, Car loans, Housing loans, Utilities bills, Phone bills.... the list goes on.

I had a dream, that one day I could be an outstanding drummer, one who is an entertaining performer. But now I just don't see how being stuck in a rat race like this can help me get there. Stuck and struggling to keep up with paying bills and daily necessities.

I want to be able to work and have enough money and energy and time to work on my dreams. This is so hard.

At this point, I feel like I'm living a life that is lack of purpose and direction. We were young and so full of faith that we could pursue any dream. Now I'm veering off and away, further from that dream more and more each day..

I just hope things would get better after I finish my degree studies. Then again, that would mean full force into the rat race and more bills to pay.

--------------------------------

For a long time, I've been sad
For a long time, I've not felt the sense of destiny & purpose that I had
For a long time, I've been living on the things that were considered good by the world
For the longest time, I've not found fulfillment in the things I do
A long time should end now, if You tell me how.

--------------------------------

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Philippians 2:13
For it is God who works in you to will
and to act according to his good purpose.

--------------------------------

Onitsuka Tigers vending machine

2008-11-17T22:14:00.004+08:00

While doing my essay research on Japanese vending machines (jidoohanbaiki), I found this:

ONITSUKA TIGERS VENDING MACHINE!

Onitsukas are my favourite sneakers apart from Vans. Love them for their innovativeness in design plus comfort! Too bad this vending machine is only available on Newburgh Street in London.

Find out more here: http://www.sneakerfreaker.com/newsflash/Worlds-First-Vending-Machine-For-Trainers-/

Can't Singapore see more interesting vending machines? So far in Singapore I've seen & heard of yoghurt, ice-cream, tidbits, sandwiches, cut fruits and of course drinks. Any other interesting types?

The Harem pants

2008-11-16T14:59:00.004+08:00

Gucci has it this Fall/Winter '08, YSL has it this season and the trend spills to Spring/Summer '09, LV also has it in the current collection.
I would never imagine myself seeing anybody wearing it on the streets though.

The harem pants, also what Singaporeans call "Ali baba pants", are cut VERY loosely from the butt down to thigh area and depending on the length of pants, it is usually tapered at the end, fitted at either the calves or ankles.

Like I said, I would never expect any usual girl on the street to don these pants, unless they had the height of Elle Macpherson or the waif figure of Kate Moss.

Two of my friends proved me wrong.

The first friend, was Irenaus, an interior designer. She had on a pair which was three-quarter long, with a basic tee and sneakers. Totally casual, and none of that OTT -ness like what you see on the YSL FW'08 runway. She carried it off real well and she's the average Singaporean girl size! Not too skinny, not too big, not too tall or short and definitely not Supermodel! Very cool. She was going for the comfy, yet unconventional look.

She got them at Tiong Bahru Plaza apparently - I didn't think I could find another friend wearing harem pants after that.

I was so wrong.

Alex bowled me over, leaving my eyes glued to her bottom when I met her for lunch on Friday. I couldn't take my eyes off her pants and I finally convinced her for a picture!

See her shoes! Perfect for the pants

Even the Uncle looking la..

She's shy.. The pants are not just the usual lycra, it has this shimmery sheen, a nice touch to the look.
From afar, I thought she was wearing really a nice long skirt.

I was quite surprised when Alex said she got those pants from Zara at $39 last season. Overall, her look was like a mystic fashion rebel with great taste. After all, she IS a fashion marketing student from La Salle.

So I wonder now, when's the next time I'll spot another daring soul sporting these Alibaba pants. Incidentally, both Irenaus and Alex are from design colleges. Maybe it is an arty-farty thing to carry it off, so the next time it might be some bold arts student or professionals in the creative field wearing these quirky pants.

Taipei - 26 - 30 Oct

2008-11-02T21:48:00.015+08:00

Finally got myself settled down since I came back from Taiwan and now I'm ready to blog about it!
Been busy out with birthdays and a matrimony last few days after I came back I felt kinda sick today.. Oh well. Here goes. I left for Taiwan last Sunday, 26 October with NT 9600 in my pocket on an SQ flight! *whee

Since nobody bothered to plan the itinerary, I took on the responsibility and came up with a plan supported by several visits to the library over the past months. However, the bulk of my final plan would be based on this book called the Taiwan Metro. Anyway the person planning has its perks, you get to go where you want first, and make sure that your time will be well spent somewhere that is not boring.

DAY 1

So I was there for five days.. First day we reached, I sought Junlong's advice - to visit Shilin Night Market first instead of my initial plan, to stay in Ximending (near my hotel) for dinner. We got there and first thing we saw was this:

See the translation "Admire" = Ai de mei ya

Excited, we went around to find food, but found ourselves swarmed with clothes and clothes and shoes! But our stomachs were determined not to be distracted - I went to find my chicken cutlet. Amidst the crowds and apparel stores, there were some little stores for food, but definitely not enough to fill our hunger.

We walked and walked, finally found the only sit down place we could eat at, Ah Zong Mian Xian. Not that I was complaining, but my dad is a sit down and eat kinda person.
(Only after we left, then would we realise we missed out the main food market.)

And then we shopped and along the way nibbled on other street eats! The shopping part, prices were really cheaper for clothes and shoes - I went crazy. I felt like I was in a shopping haven for Rallen cos I saw many stuff that he would like! There I bought a pair of shorts, leggings for myself and a pair of jeans covered with badges for Ray. I only regretted after I came back to Singapore - that pair of jeans was actually $80! not cheap at all! I just comforted myself it was a Levi's after all.

We shopped and shopped, but my dad started complaining he was tired. So we went back.... and the next day we started the day catered for him.

I ended the day tired, with a bad neckache. However, I couldn't sleep at all the whole night, with all the noises I could hear.

DAY 2

Sun Yat Sen Memorial
Metro mall (Underground between Zhongxiao Dunhua and Zhongxiao Fuxing station)
Ximending

Sun Yat Sen Memorial was kinda boring for me.. and I was really famished since i didn't eat much at breakfast. (The hotel breakfast sucked big time) In the end, we had lunch buffet right at the Memorial museum. The buffet was good, international style.

Next stop was Metro mall at the metro station, just one stop away from Sun Yat Sen Memorial. It was just like shopping at any other heartland mall..

And then, my long awaited destination - Ximending. My sole purpose (literally) was to come here to get Onitsuka Tigers and Vans. I even got down the addresses of the outlets nearer to my hotel. I went online to check out the shoes I wanted weeks before my trip. When I finally got to both the shops (they were nearby), I was darn disappointed. The hi-cut that I wanted from Onitsuka was from past season and they only carry the latest models. Damn. My eyes lit up when I saw Vans the next street down.. they didnt have any of the plaid slip ons!!! MANNN. Isn't plaid in season this Fall/Winter '08??

So I walked away, disappointed, since my "sole" purpose to Taiwan could not be fulfilled.

Why did I take photo of these sanitary pads? Because these were actually marshmallows sold in a candy shop!

That night I knocked out, my sis bought a bottle of Plum wine at only $29, i down it with some Heineken. I went to sleep like a baby.

DAY 3

Yang Ming Shan
Shilin Night Market (again)
Riverside Music Cafe

According to the guidebooks, one of the must go places is Yang Ming Shan. In the books, they make the place look so beautiful.....and the waterfall so bigg.... actually it wasn't that big.
Best part about the trip there was waiting for the bus for one hour, and it never came. Thanks to "Wu Lin Mi Ji" from Mervin. It mentioned we could take a bus from XiMenDing, which was where our hotel was... we waited and waited. and decided to take a metro down to the nearest station instead.

Another of my personal agenda for this trip (which also left me disappointed), was to visit a happening nightspot with local bands playing. After getting some tips from Mr Q (Jay Chou's drummer who came to Singapore for Drumfest), I decided to check out Riverside Music Cafe.

I reached the place at 10:30pm - and the set was left with the last song! I went in anyways.
It was a small little place, entrance by an alley, even smaller than Jazz@southbridge.

Guess what, the next morning we walked around Ximending and I found a WAY LARGER version of Riverside music - It was called the live house!
Anyway, thanks to the Vodka Lime that came with cover charge for entrance into Riverside Music Cafe, I slept well again.

DAY 4

Di Hua Street (Traditional Dried goods)
Wu Fen Pu
Rao He Night Market

Breakfast was good! Their version of Cai Tau Kuay

Herb shopping. Look like alien hands!

I was searching for this like crazy! They didn't have it in Shilin Night Market. And then when I finally found it, I came across three stores that have this. But nothing beats the original 216 Fen Yuan Da Wang (at Zhong Xiao area). It was really chewy and sweet!

At the Raohe night market, my brother said those black things were nice and asked if I wanted to eat that. In bewilderment, I looked hard at the "rats" and swallowed a lump in my throat.

Back at the hotel, he offered me some. Those were not rats at all! They were part of the lotus plants and this was how the flesh looked like. They tasted like fried chestnuts, just less sweet.

And check this out! this the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life:

That night I had beer again. Slept like a pig. DAY 5

Ximending
Leave for Taoyuan Airport

My sis and I slept till late morning, just enough time to prepare and check out of our hotel rooms. While waiting, there was this IQ programme on MTV Taiwan. Audiences had to count the total number of squares and triangles on the puzzle on screen and call in to give their answers. We tried counting and decided to call in... but the line was so busy we couldn't get through. And the people just couldn't get it right! We were certain our answer was correct since nobody guessed it. Dang, and they increased their prize money every 15 mins.

(Can't flip the image around)

our last meal in Taipei was at this shop. Very nice porkchop & chicken!
It was at the basement of this place called Wan Nian Da Lou (look like Peninsula Plaza)

And then we were headed for Taoyuan airport.. back to Singapore. Taipei has been good. I just wished I had planned my finances better so that I could have spent more on clothes for myself! Would definitely make another trip down in near future.

I hope to live like this song sings

2008-10-23T22:37:00.001+08:00

Switchfoot - Burn out bright

Does it have to start with a broken heart
Broken dreams and bleeding parts
We were young and world was clear
Young ambition disappears
I swore it would never come to this
The average, the obvious

I'm still discontented down here
I'm so discontented

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

So a spark ignites
In time and space
To make it through this human race
You fight and crawl your way back home
But you're running the wrong way

The future is a question mark
With kerosene electric sparks
There's still fire in you yet
Yeah there's still fire in you

If we only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

I can't clean up the mess I've made
I can't clean up the mess I've made

I can't sleep in the bed I've made
I can't sleep in the bed I've made

If we only got one try
If we only got one life
If time was never on our side
But before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out
Before I die I wanna burn out bright

If time was never on our side
But before i die i wanna burn out bright

10,000 hours away

2008-10-20T21:17:00.002+08:00

I came across this article today : Malcolm Gladwell says that if you want to shine, put in 10,000 hours

In it, a line says, "The best way to achieve international stardom is to spend 10,000 hours honing your skills".

His study cites cases from tennis players (Williams sisters), Tiger Woods, the Beatles and Bill Gates.
I think to myself - I have an average of 16 waking hours daily. If I take away 8 hours at work, 3 hours for meals/travelling/waiting, I would have 5 hours left. Opps, I forgot, I'm a girl so I have to factor one hour for facial stuff/makeup/hair. That leaves me with 4 hours. 1 hour is for praying and 1 hour is factored in for miscellaneous stuff like surfing the net, lazing around, being on the phone.

And if I have 2 hours everyday to practice my drum strokes.. IF I have. It will take 13.sth years for me to be a master in drums. I'm 21 years old. By then I would be 34 and taking way more responsibilities than I am now.

Damn, I shouda started earlier.

love the beach

2008-10-20T20:10:00.010+08:00

Life has been all about the same things for some time, the usual things, work, school...bla. And then I realised a part of me was missing something when I saw a few people cycling past me one day.
THE BEACH!

I know people that absolutely hate the beach, but I also know people that adore the beach. One of my old classmates told me he hated the beach because he thinks it was full of hidden dangers. I don't quite like the idea of lounging on dirty, littered sand and soaking in murky grease-covered waters, but being able to be out in the sun roller-blading/cycling and then idling the day hearing and watching the waves definitely perks me up!

I'm not sure how my love for the beach happened, but it started even when I was a kid - I put together a gathering at the beach for my birthday when I was only twelve! When I went to secondary school, I remember having beach outings many many times.

Over the years, I had lesser time to go to the beach. Before I started working, I had a few opportunities to jog to East Coast Park from my home and then sunbathe for awhile. That got a little lonely and I had lesser motivation to do that again.

Thank God for last Saturday's gig at Sentosa, I had a chance to visit the beach again! The gig was in the evening, I was so excited I woke up real early for a run before heading over to Sentosa. And the visit to the beach, was GOOD! I am definitely looking forward to more beach outings.

real excited on the tram to Sentosa. checkout the cool effect in the background (No DI involved!)

We start by cycling. Mr Sunflower has improved in his cycling!

and then the beach!

Basking in the sun...

And it rained for a while.

and then we're off to Summer Party for the gig. In the pic is EIC playing.

Now I'm dreaming of a holiday on Waikiki beach....hmmm

the last time I heard

2008-10-15T21:52:00.002+08:00

If you once had a best friend but lost contact over the years, wouldn't you be elated when you hear from him/her again? Wouldn't you want to get hold of each other for a catch up session?

I had a best friend once, we hung out together often. Something changed, and we drifted apart.

The last time I hung out with him - probably somewhere in Orchard in early 2004
and we never hung out ever again.

The last time I walked with him - between 12 - 1am Christmas 2004, we happened to meet at the train station and he walked me to my block.

The last time we talked face to face - met by chance at Somerset station Feb 2005/6, while I was topping up my card and got all jittery with my words.

The last time I heard from him - Weekend of the F1 race on 28 Sep '08, around 5pm. While waiting to enter the F1 gate at Millenia Walk, I received a call from an unknown number with +66 prefix. I picked up the call to hear his voice. It was strange, yet familiar. He introduced himself and asked if I remembered him. Taken by surprise, I was rather monotonous in my reply. He told me he got into a bike accident and was in trouble in Thailand and needed some help, though he couldn't talk for long. He lost his passport and needed me to wire some cash over.

I know. This sounds like a hoax right?

But I decided to say yes first, though I mentioned I couldn't lend him much. I copied down him mobile number as well as POSB savings number. He also said that he was AWOL from the army due to this trouble, as he couldn't come home in time. So I asked if he needed help in informing the army. He said he had settled that. I asked him to take care and I put down the phone, bewildered.

One one hand, that was my friend that I missed so much and I couldn't believe that I just heard from him. One the other hand, I couldn't decide if that strange, yet familiar voice was that believable. I was also worried that he might be injured, kidnapped or was in other trouble. This matter continued to bother for the entire evening in-between performance breaks and dinner break. I don't know if it was because I was falling sick, but I actually lost appetite that night.

I thought and thought, and considered and considered, made a few calls. I decided that the person who called was really him and I would transfer the money over. Even if he didn't return it, I would have helped a friend. So I did, thanks to the clever management which decided to have makeshift ATMs at the F1 sites, I managed to transfer a sum to him.

Tried calling him back at the Thailand number and mobile, but to no avail. After I went home that night, my worries about him kept me awake. I msged him at 2am and he finally replied to say he lost his ATM card. I decided not to bother him anymore with smses as I figured he must be in much dilemma then.

The next few days I tried calling, just to check if he managed to come home.

He came home on Wednesday and I was elated to see him online that night. He explained that he managed to recover his passport after paying off the bike damages with his ipod and mobile phone. And then he called his mom reluctantly to arrange for a ticket home. He told me he was trying to catch me on MSN the entire day so that we could meet, but I didn't go online. I asked if we could meet the next day. He agreed and said he would call late in the afternoon to confirm. I was so darn excited, I couldn't stop thinking about it though I was supposed to studying for my exams.

So instead of studying seriously, I waited, and waited. and waited. He didn't call.

I went online, he wasn't there

I haven't heard from him since

I wonder why

What color do you feel like today?

2008-10-08T22:39:00.004+08:00

After Hari Raya & exam break plus two days of MC.. I kinda don't feel like going back to work.. However,
Mr Sunflower is always there to make my day. I knew I was going to meet him for dinner tonight.
At noon he sent me this sms:

I just randomly replied "Pink", the first color I thought of.

Time passed relatively slowly after lunch... and finally it was 6:30pm and I was ready to leave to meet him! He sent me another sms:

That got me a little puzzled, but I played along...and these were his replies.

To my surprise... he rushed down all the way from camp with this!!! Here I go again..*blush*

That was sweetest thing ever! I asked, so why all these man.. He said, "I just wanted to court you all over again.." Aww...
Hmm wondered what he would have gotten me if I had responded during noon with a color like black, green or cyan...

Dangerous heels this season

2008-10-06T21:19:00.010+08:00

I have never been a heels person. I swear by Vans and Onitsuka Tigers, if I can help it.
I could never understand the excitement of friends that shriek at the thought of Charles & Keith sale, or why they would spend on sky-high Nine West heels. I also wondered why women could get pairs and pairs of shoes week after week.

Then something happened. I became a woman. (sort of.)

My wardrobe became less androgynous, less kid-punk, and more feminine. I needed pumps, heels and sandals fit for the ladies to go with different looks: corporate, boho, lolita, rock-glam, sweet and more. I would never know what unexpected surprises could spring forth, thus that gave me an excuse - to buy more shoes.

Since the start of this year, I've had at least 7 new pairs of footwear, including running shoes. It is a personal record for me, since I've never been a shoes person at all. However, as I recall, only two of these are real heels, only barely two inches each. I could never walk properly, or rather I don't have enough balls(not that I have any) to wear anything more than 2 inches.

And despite its calf-lengthening qualities, I doubt any of these killers will come under my feet anytime soon. Even models trip on them! Watch models fall - here and here.

I've been seeing quite a few impossible-to-walk-in heels on magazines/sites lately. Here are some of them:

This pair from Dior looks ok with a rather full base, but is it really that stable? (from Geometricsleep.com)

Love the color palette and wavey lines from Miu Miu this fall, but it seems models have problems with balancing on the front of their feet. (from Geometricsleep.com)

Again, this piece from Louis Vuitton might trigger imbalancing due to unstable front base. Check out the behind! Killa! (from blog.theshoegoddess.com)

Ehm, Mr Marc Jacobs, the heel is reversed. (thebudgetbabe.com)

Erhm,...Can meh? Marc Jacobs (shoewawa.com)

This is an even more unbelievable pair from Antonio Berardi! No this is not a camera trick. (getglamorous.blogspot.com)

Victoria Beckham is walking on those Anotonio Berardi! (hrfashion.com)

(hrfashion.com)

How do these amazing women strut around in their heels! I suffered a severe ankle sprain once when I scrambled down half a flight of stairs. That was a nightmare. And these heels above, these are absolute nightmare!

2008-10-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

i feel darn emo and down.
and i don't know why.

i want to breathe easy

2008-10-02T19:02:00.003+08:00

filled with anxiety
finding it hard to breathe easy
losing appetite though i wished to enjoy food before me
restlessness struck me on my head since Sunday
I wonder why.

A dreaded exam paper? Can't escape this.
An anticipated meeting with an old friend? He stood me up.

I pray for peace within.

Happy 21st to Rallen

2008-09-22T00:05:00.004+08:00

Rallen /reɪ l-uhn/
prounciation was originally [rair-len] but has evolved since 2005.
ray of cheery light and hope, like a sunflower that shouts a warm greeting in your face;
stands out with a loud & jovial nature;
quirky and full of surprises.

pot of surprise

2008-09-19T12:42:00.001+08:00

life's getting harder and i'm not getting any younger
am i going to complete the things i set out to do
it seems time is passing by faster and everybody
else is doing something, going somewhere

will the good things remain and blossom prettier
or will it all go downhill from here
i think i must change myself to make this world better
and make everyone around me happier

should we wait for tomorrow before any rash decisions
can we believe and hope for nice surprises
like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow after the showers

no worries no fear
i'll take myself further than i've been before
a step at a time and i'll leap and not fall
putting all my trust in the one I call God

Maybe then
we can finally find the pot of surprise after we've braved through the storms

My office location

2008-09-06T00:51:00.003+08:00

I don't have much inspirations lately.. maybe cos I've been less emo. ha. So let me just do a random update.
For those who don't already know, I work as a marketing assistant for Branded Lifestyle, a company which retails Calvin Klein Jeans , Calvin Klein Underwear & Gant in Singapore, Malaysia. When I first joined the company, the office was in Great World City, a really convenient place with good food & shopping (lunch at Zion Rd market, Zara, Charles & Keith in the mall..=/) More than six months ago, we moved to a place not too far away from Great World, to this building called Tan Boon Liat (see pic below):

hmmm... look like factory right.... and the canteen food suckssss.. and it is quite a walk under the hot sun to either Great World or Tiongbahru. We see many buses of China tourists that flock to the restaurant above the canteen daily(left of pic, staircase leading up to restaurant). I wonder if its all that fantastic.

After months and months at this building, I found a surprise when I accompanied my colleague for her smoking break a at the corner of the building one day:

TADA! What a great view of the Holiday Inn Atrium's pool.

It is really quite a therapeutic retreat in the midst of work's stresses. So I found myself returning to the "blind" corner of Tan Boon Liat building just to enjoy the view for a few minutes everyday.

And from the building I can also see Clarke Quay (below, right) and even the Singapore Flyer!

Flyer in the middle of this pic above, notice a quarter of the wheel

And not forgetting, one of the highlights after work everyday, is ogling at the numerous sexy & pretty China girls that walk from the nearby bus stop to their workplace at Las Vegas KTV (below):

Those girls, they are really pretty, some of them look kinda elegant - don't look like KTV girls at all. But oh well.

Yes, thats' an update on my work location. Can't fathom, but its true. The toilets are damn dirty tooooo.

complete

2008-08-17T23:33:00.003+08:00

on a lazy lonely afternoon like that
I lie alone on a cold lonely bed
I've come to realize I can't live without you, all I have
your presence would have made this a perfect Sunday
we could kiss away the weekday stresses
we would cuddle away, our weekly stretches

staring at my cellphone, I await your call
dreading the rest of the day without you at all
Won't you appear before me now?
Right beside my pillow, lay your head down
Have your warm body snug against mine
Put your arms around me while I gaze into your eyes

i imagine you whisper in my ears
you promise me a proposal in five years
my heart flutters just thinking about it
i turn on the music, listening to love songs for inspirations to draw
and here i am penning these words, I couldn't miss you more

we paint each other's lives into a shared portrait of joy
please don't let anyone rob of that, not the army my boy
I need you like you need me, we need each other to be complete
we have forever to be together
oh will forever come now?

Is it worth

2008-08-06T23:34:00.003+08:00

dedicated to a friend who's going through a hard time now..

is it worth the tears
you broke my heart for the umpteenth time
you, a man i still call dad

is it worth fighting for
you tore my art pieces and sold my guitar
you destroyed my world over and again

is it worth living on
you trample on everything we have
you stooped so low to keep up with your dirty gambling vice
you make the home a desperate, unwelcoming den

Every tear I cry
somebody comforts me from above
Everytime I fight
my passion for art and music strengthens
And I will choose to live
to tell a story that will bring hope to the anguished

Memorable quotes from The Dark Knight

2008-07-28T21:39:00.004+08:00

I'm a big fan of action and comic movies, some of my favourites include The Matrix, Spiderman and X-MEN.

Now one more to add to my HOTlist: The Dark Knight

The action-packed movie blew off my mind with not just the intense scenes and impressive character plays, but also with its downright clever scriptwriting and this is boiled all the way down to the witted play on words.

I had to review the quotes again. So, gotten off the site imdb.com, here are some of those remarkable quotes from the movie:

Gamble: [to The Joker] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here rip your head off.
The Joker: How about a magic trick?
[pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table]
The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil... disappear.
[Gamble's thug walks over to kill The Joker, who pushes his face into the pencil and kills him]
The Joker: Ta-daa! It's... gone!
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
The Joker: [to police officer] Do you wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the...little..emotions. And..you see..in their last moments...people show you who they really are. So, in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which one of them were cowards?
Harvey Dent: The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming
Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain
[The Joker holds Rachel Dawes out of a window]
Batman: Let her go.
The Joker: Hmm.. Very poor choice of words.
[The Joker lets her drop as he laughs maniacally]

From these quotes, we can see most of those that impressed me were from Joker. I watched Batman on TV as a child, but never quite love it because to me, Batman was just a dark sombre cartoon. It was a tad too serious, and Joker was just another villain. Watching Heath Ledger take on this role, brought Batman to a whole new level for me. I saw beyond the villain role, into the manic emotional side of the character and what drove him to it, and I actually enjoyed seeing him venture in his dark deeds.

I have not watched such a great movie in ages. The Dark Knight has all my thumbs and toes up!

Singapore Band Challenge

2008-07-21T10:52:00.004+08:00

The heats are over and this time, let the contestants show you their musical prowesses at the Singapore Band Challenge Semi-finals this Saturday 12:00pm to 7:00pm at the Arena, Clarke Quay. The show will be one that boasts of talents playing genres from metal, hard rock, funk and even electronica.

Door charges -
S$12/- nett for 1 x Alcoholic /Soft Drink above 18 years old
S$10/- nett for Soft Drink under 18 years old

Can't wait for this weekend! Meanwhile here are some of the pictures I took from the heats. Not very good quality though.

one of my favourite bands! loved their style since Baybeats 2003

GK with his beatbox crew

Zai, the drummer of Juxtapose!

Love their music! They did an awesome rendition of MrAZ's Butterfly.

Sonofa, the band to watch out for.

snuff out and walk away

2008-07-08T22:57:00.004+08:00

i saw a girl lighting up today, the first time in her life
scrambling out of the bus heading for the quiet spot
shoved out a cigarette from the tight package, hands full of jitter
between her delicate fingers she placed the white stick
striking a light twice to make sure it lit
Pursing her lips she inhaled gently, careful not to choke
First huff of white smoke out her mouth
a stream of mint down her throat
Let's try it again, its quite fun watching smoke come out
Second huff, she observed deliriously
a bitter taste forms on the tongue
Standing behind the bus-stop panels, she took
a third, a fourth, a fifth puff as the mint and bitterness piled
Nothing excitable, she thought
and she snuffed out the cigarette and walked away

maybe i should just shut up

2008-07-05T00:31:00.005+08:00

"maybe i should just shut up"
this line i've confessed many times this year
i keep finding myself in situations
wishing i never said the things i did
i can't sustain a conversation
or express frank opinions to
my closest ones

feeling mistaken and misunderstood
leaving people in distaste and dismay

i really should shut up
my verbal expression comes out disorganized, uncertain and misinterpreted
my writing obsession: precise to my thoughts, full of conviction

i hate to feel stupid after the words i say
i hate to have words that i could never take back as easy as backspace
withdrawing from the deeper subjects
avoiding discussions that require complex deliberation

Oh who can i turn to for a listening ear
Who shall be patient enough, while i struggle in my failed re-phrasal of thoughts

maybe i should just shut up
and just wallow in a writing fixation

24 - Switchfoot

2008-07-02T00:56:00.002+08:00

"24"

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I'm not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You're raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You're raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You're raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I'm not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.

Evening out at Siglap

2008-06-30T18:28:00.007+08:00

Decided on Siglap for dinner. We went ahead not knowing what to find, nor expect.. and landed here in this Japanese restaurant - It looks like a set from a Japanese movie! We stepped in, we feel so jap in here! There were also small little rooms where guests could be seated on the floor. Wish I had photos of those.

We had a sushi set for dinner. Ray, who doesn't eat raw fish, had some scrumpilitious sashimi on rice for the first time!
Each wasabi-embellished piece sent burning sensations up my nose, but I enjoyed nonetheless.

Next, we went two shops down to The Cheesecake Cafe. We felt so indie, enjoying life like that - a luxury when both of us are always so busy. Me with work, studying, drumming stuff and catching up with old friends, Ray with NS, his drumming stuff and art projects. I guess it's a good date - and we secretly want to live an indie life like this together... Like John Lennon and Yoko Ono. ha. But neither of us shall die young. Choy...

looking at this photo I took of Ray, it reminded me of another photo. It seemed we have the same smile in these two photos ahaa...my tian we look so similar.

And I guess that will be my last luxury of the month, as my expenses have gone outta control last month and there's an upcoming paper to mug for. I need more dough!!!

Anybody needs a freelance events person, graphic designer or writer?

What's in a puff that leaves me wanting

2008-06-29T22:25:00.002+08:00

What's in a puff that leaves me wanting
Bugging my head all day and night
to have a smoke whilst a fear of getting hooked

Is it worth the burn
Hole in the pocket, burnt
a clean pair of lungs, burnt

It shall keep me sane
Comes later, the pain

the staple of the day
When I'm alone and bored
When I'm with company to hide my insecurity
When I lost all hope i cross my fingers the lighter doesn't fail

If only the world would breathe it
If only it would not hurt me and leave a stench
If only it would take away all the worries in that moment of lightness

What's in a puff that leaves me wanting
When I hadn't even held a stick between 'em fingers

They inspire (Pt 1 - Music)

2008-06-10T21:54:00.010+08:00

The ones that inspire..

I feel alot. And when something makes me tick, I go straight to the roots to find out why.
I put my feelings into words so that I know myself better, to improve myself.
Thus, this entry is an insight to what moves me. As the post is rather long, this is part one, music segment. Part two will be about other people, not so music related.

I love (rock) music, and to me, one of the most important elements that makes a piece of music are the drum rhythms. These Wicked, Melodic Drummers have made me go crazy trying to figure out the complex yet melodious grooves in their songs.

Branden Steineckert (ex-The Used)

Hardcore music doesn't just mean intensive double bass pedals and cymbal crashes.
The songs are seldom in the usual 4/4 or eighths rock beat, rhythms are more often played in not-so-usual phrasing accompanied with mind-boggling fills when you least expect it.
From the first album to the second (before he left the band), the skills displayed in the tracks are the evidence that he is not your average drummer in an emo band.
Sadly, he's now left the band to become drummer of Rancid, a band which I'd say plays ol' sch skapunk and poppunk.

Dave Powell (Emery)

Another drummer from a post-hardcore band. Drum grooves always melodic, he is just so able to capture the mood of the song and inject some kinda drug in you to move with it and feel it.
Love him for almost the same reasons I love Branden Steineckert, if not more.

Benny Greb

The most creative and talented drummer I've seen. Of the lot, he should be the most melodic of them all. He produced his own album filled with his own drum grooves, solos, instrumental pieces, and even his own scat singing! How creative and talented can one get?????? And I haven't even mentioned his live drumming clinics, where he incorporates handplaying on the drums. 'Nuff said.

Adrian Young (of now defunct No Doubt)

Drummer of the favourite band of my growing up years. His versatility in genres is displayed as the band transited from ska, to rock/pop over the years. If I could get a trumpet player, I'd definitely wanna try out No Doubt's songs. When I listen to the tracks over and over, I learnt, playing drums is all about making the music fun!

My dream is to catch any of these Awesomest bands live. And though I've been listening to them for years, I can't get enough still:

Emery

Mentioned earlier in the section about Dave Powell, I love them for the drums - PLUS the vocals and everything else! Though they scream a little, their vocals are superb, especially the harmonising parts, it just sends goosebumps sometimes. There was even a song, that had music in 4/4 and vocals in triplet! That was the first song that made me fall in love with them, "Ponytail Parades". I've never looked back since.
Others:

"Playing with fire" WICKED WICKED WICKED opening with the drums!!!
"Listening to Freddie Mercury" very funny and interesting pop/hardcore infused song.
"The note which a chord is built" fun for the drummers, opening guitar riffs sound like something from Blink, and it goes down into atmospheric keys, and then building up again.
All their songs!!!!! Good vocals, Wicked drums, Calm and consistent keys, Interesting lyrics!

Underoath

My first favourite post-hardcore band. Got hooked listening because they were from a Christian music label and also because of "Some will seek forgiveness, Others escape". This song is a MUST-LISTEN for all those who has a bad impression of screamo bands. It is guaranteed to change your perspective FOR GOOD! If not I buy u a drink of kopi....
Very soft and sweet vocals from a guy, despite a screamo band. They don't just scream, they sing too.

The Used (I refuse to show any photo of them without Branden.)
Love them Branden Steineckert days. So, I'd never get to watch them live..with the drummer I go crazy for. I doubt the new drummer can match up to Branden playing the older songs too.
Great to listen tracks include:

"Buried myself alive" (for a period of time I kept hearing this played by local kids in studios and at gigs) If you're sad and angry - this song makes you bitter.
"Taste of Ink"
"Blue & Yellow"
"It's hard to say" Freaking sad - my ex wrote a note containing the lyrics of this song after we broke up..
"Smother me" DAMN TAEH male singer, but what a romantic way to express your love to your partner SMOTHER ME!!!!

Every song of theirs have an interesting song to tell, but they can be really vulgar and SAD sometimes.

Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Great performers, killa bassist, funkdrummer, lyrics that don't mean a thing. If they are ever in a gig near your town, you HAVE to go for it. Too bad there's no opportunity for me yet. And it doesn't seem like their on tour at all, in any part of the world (website listing). These Grammy-award winning buggers rock so hard they make you feel like moshing just listening and watching them on DVD.
Love love them, love the mellow guitar and vocals:

"Scar Tissue"
"The Zephyr Song"
"How Long"
"By the Way"

Nirvana

Watching them live is impossible now, since the lead has departed the world, and the band's since disbanded. The drummer, Dave Grohl has now become Foo Fighter's lead instead.
Anyway, they brought grunge mainstream! They wrote their own songs, were high on drugs, could rock an audience with an acoustic set. The one hit that everybody remembers them for: "Smells like teen spirit".

Funnily, this is how the song came about:
"Kathleen Hanna, the lead singer of the group Bikini Kill, gave Cobain the idea for the title when she spray painted "Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit" on his bedroom wall after a night of drinking and spraying graffiti around the Seattle area. In his pre-Courtney Love days, Cobain went out with Bikini Kill lead singer Tobi Vail, but she dumped him. Vail wore Teen Spirit deodorant, and Hanna was implying that Cobain was marked with her scent. Cobain didn't know it when he wrote the song, but Teen Spirit is a brand of deodorant marketed to young girls. Kurt thought Hanna was complimenting him on his rebellious spirit. Sales of Teen Spirit deodorant shot up when this became a hit, even though it is never mentioned in the lyrics."

People remember it so much that Moulin Rouge the movie adapted the tune and part of the lyrics of the song, 10 years after "Smells like teen spirit" was released, and seven years after Cobain died.

And Of course, I root for them because of Kurt Cobain, who I believed died of sabotage. (Contrary to the many stories that said he committed suicide, the thing is he couldn't and wouldn't, because he...ok the story can go on here..but I shall stop)

All that talk about drummers and bands, I almost missed out Jason Mraz!
The special thing about him is rapping-singing kinda style, which he came up with himself. Isn't that darn creative. Moreover, only he can handle all that tongue-twisting!
Simple nice tunes yet marvelous rhythm on guitar. Have him in your ears in the sleepy mornings, in the lazy afternoons, at night before you sleep, it wouldn't hurt.

To be continued... (Pt 2 - Icons, People)

Giving it all, or not

2008-06-08T01:08:00.003+08:00

How can you believe in something so much, yet not give all you have for it?

That was a question I asked. Somebody gave me an answer, but it was not what I was looking for.
The answer illustrated how a vision always starts from a leader, and there will be a team to support it. The members of the team work together, some might play more pivotal roles, some might play smaller roles.
The answer was not wrong, but it just didn't satisfy me.

Then something enlightened me.

I have a friend who declared he was gonna give all he can to go after this girl, even AFTER the girl recently said she had no more feelings left for him.
Dumb right? As a friend, I totally disapprove his decision in hanging on to the possibility of being with her. He told me he'd still go for his one shot, and there was this sense of unjust he felt.
I couldn't understand why, why so foolish?

Then I realised, Passion.

Nobody can understand your passion more than you, yourself.
The person who gave me that answer just didn't share the same passion as me.

When you have so much passion for something, it just doesn't feel right sitting there and watching time pass by. It doesn't even feel right, until you know you have given your all for it.

People, even your closest ones, can advice you otherwise and deem you silly, but there will be a sense of unjust when you have not achieved what is rightful to you.

Hold on to your passion. Constantly dream it, refine it, expand it and practice it.
You'll be happier being called a fool for your passion, then to have your passion pass away, while leading an unfulfilled life.

L'Amour De Ma Vie

2008-06-04T21:52:00.005+08:00

i could never do without
hearing your voice before my sleep
having you fuss around when i am sick
clearing off my plate when i have more than i can eat
your warm embrace after a long week

one year ago seemed like yesterday
you told me to close my eyes and not peep
that was how you tricked me, first kiss on my lips
the little things you did, always surprises heaps
carved a hole in a thick IT book to place a cross necklace in it
sketchbook about the place of our courtship
99 red paper roses with our pictures glued together amidst
sunflowers for (not-very) special occasions
photo-album with friends' wishes you painstakingly collected
spending extravagantly on a HTC phone for me

you make me blush with your surprises
touched me to tears on a few occasions
i love the sweet innocence, the type coming from a child
and enthusiasm from a youth that never stops dreaming
i respect the way you pursue your goals
and the excellence in going forth

i'm besotted with you, mon amour, ma vie

Vindicated

2008-05-30T23:35:00.001+08:00

Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So, mesmerizing,and so hypnotizing,
I am captivated,I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated,and so motivated
I am certain now that I am

So turn
up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment fall forever

Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'll be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Slight hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

who i am is because of him

2008-05-25T01:20:00.006+08:00

an old friend of mine, i really miss
i saw him in my dream last night
i greeted, with a hug and kiss
this man i knew was a confidante i loved
he taught me passion, and to embrace the youths of the world
he inspired me to write, to make melody and dream
he opened my heart to the unorthodox and artsy
four years since we went our separate ways
no words can express my gratitude to him
the influence he had, remains a part of me
i really wish i could thank him with a hug
i really wish we could catch up like old friends once more

if we meet one day, will it be an awkward situation
or will we walk past each other like strangers
If that day never comes, I dedicate this rhyme to you

To K (even you politely refuse)
you contributed in the successes in my life
the ones that you did not see
but played a part because you left a legacy in me

---------------------------------------------------------------

I just realized...Happy Birthday

industry slaves

2008-05-24T08:00:00.002+08:00

get plastic get nasty
oh what's the harm to just look pretty
get fake get made-up
oh who cares, I've got limelight on my face
get loud get attention
oh spending till I'm broke to have logos on tha bag

look gorgeous feel important
a pretentious gathering that makes merry
glamour, photowalls and catwalks - you can't get enough
its addiction to the endless socializing, champagne & parties
use lingo like "the new black" & "passe"
silent aspiration to be what is seen in glossy magazines

you gotta love us, or hate us
trendchasers and brandwhores

don't pity us, we pity you

we'd rather look good than be sorry
we're never getting outta this

------------------------

I'm definitely not referring to myself in this, just having a lot of thoughts after a long chat with a fellow colleague.

把爱放开

2008-05-21T20:57:00.004+08:00

give up on her, i told him
there is one thing i learnt these years
if a party ever becomes of unsure
then they don't really want this relationship
its never good to assume
it is alright to give the person time
but the time of decision usually drags on, on
it hurts you, deeply, silently

be the stronger one
make the painful decision
waste no time

men will always fail you
move on, for a person more worthy will come along

-------

for you, my friend.

F.I.R. - 把爱放开

我们的爱过了就不再回来
直到现在我还默默的等待

当你开始追寻你要的自由
放开我们紧握的手
带走我的爱和天空
我不知所措我以为我会懂
我们的爱我们的爱
当我独自走到时间的尽头
回忆和我擦身而过
带走你的爱和笑容
我无力承受最后的一点心痛
我们的爱我们的爱
把爱放开把手放开
如果你的心已不在
把爱放开不再等待
你的温柔是一片空白
把爱放开把心打开
这次我决定走出回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
啊......
这次我决定走出所有回忆重来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
就让我彻底地伤再彻底地醒过来
终于明白爱已不再
从今以后再也没有什么能去依赖
我还有什么期待

Let the shadows prove

2008-05-20T21:10:00.005+08:00

Switchfoot - The Shadow Proves The Sunshine

Sunshine, won't you be my mother
Sunshine, come and help me sing
My heart is darker than these oceans
My heart is frozen underneath

We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight,
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light were
The shadow proves the sunshine

Oh Lord, why did you forsake me?
Oh Lord, don't be far away away
Storm clouds gathering beside me
Please Lord, don't look the other way

Crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light were
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me

Crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways
Hold fast to the break of day light were
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me
Yeah Yeah, shine on me

Shine on me,
Let my shadows prove the sunshine

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm going down without a qualm
lost drive to live
no words to speak
I hate what I see
I hate who I am
I hate where I live
I hate why I'm staying
When will this be over?

Bouts of depression
they come and go, it seems
eating me alive
I lose my sense of happiness
losing all motivation

Lord, if you will hear me
Take me to a place afar
where I can start anew
to find hope and love
where we are one

Take me

Feel, Imagine, and Write

2008-03-31T16:45:00.006+08:00

I took leave today to study for my upcoming paper on 7 April. I'm running out of time, the next time I can study will the 2 days in the coming weekend!

And here I am, taking a break. Looking back at my blogposts, they have become less frequent. Things have changed over the years, from the secondary school student that I was when I started blogging in 2003. I still spend time online, but find lesser inspiration to write. I browsed through and counted, from 2003 to 2007, I wrote 39 poems and one short story. That is not alot - it pales in comparison with a friend that has at least 100(I think) in his collection, but I often wonder, how is it possible that I lost the flair all of a sudden? In this almost one-year hiatus, I no longer have overwhelming emotions about issues that would make me express myself in poetry, which was the case in the past.

Have I become oblivious to life? Have I become lukewarm to the people around me? Maybe I grew out of the emo teen who was full of angst. Or am I too caught up with things going on? I used to write about dreams, hopes, surviving from the past, when I feel burdened about people, but now.. it did not occur to me that I've stopped "feeling" and "imagining", since I stopped writing (not reporting about events).

It was in the writings that I learnt my true self, that I discovered a way of escape, and it was where I found hope and encouragement.

I want to feel, imagine, and write again.

Review: Louis Vuitton Japan: The Building Of Luxury by Kyojiro Hata

2008-03-22T21:55:00.004+08:00

I realised that over the past months I've been reading quite a few books that inspired me. However, the inspirations left as inspirations that were eventually forgotten later. I decided to start book reviews so that I could record what I've learnt from these good reads.

I recently finished reading Louis Vuitton Japan: The Building Of Luxury by Kyojiro Hata.

Borrowing this book was steered by mere why-not when I saw it on the same shelf where I was searching for information for my school assignment. So I took it to the checkout counter at the library and thought
to myself, I'll read it if I have the time after doing my work. Little did I know, reading this book changed my perception of those who spent bombs on LV forever. I started reading in the mornings on my way to
work, and it was quite a easily readable book, I finished it in a few days' worth of train rides.

Though the title of the book sets the content in Japan, this book pretty much explains and holds the true spirit and tradition of Louis Vuitton. Wait a minute, what spirit, and tradition? Isn't LV all fashion and status for the rich and famous?

With its rich history for more than a century, the brand is based on the "spirit of travel". Right from the start, when the term "product development" was unheard of, Louis Vuitton kept innovating his products through ages as new means of transportation were introduced. He started from producing trunks for those suited for travelling on carriages, then to steamships and trains, and then to airplanes and cars.

Although I have never been a great fan of luxury goods, Louis Vuitton has won me over when I found out that unlike many other international brands that mass produce their goods, Louis Vuitton ensures quality control by having each piece painstakingly produced only by their skilled craftmen in France. They would never allow franchises nor have their production in even countries where they have branch offices.

More than just educating me about the building of the brand in Japan, I also learnt much branding principles from the author, Kyojiro Hata, who headed the establishing of LV in Japan.
He mentioned in the book, that there was a difference between designer fashion brands and a long-standing brand.
Designer fashion brands depend very much on the talent and ideas of the designer, but a long-standing brand like LV, is successful because of its quality, rich history and tradition.

He mentioned there were 6 requirements for Louis Vuitton as a real brand:

A long history
Consistent tradition
Unique Technology and know-how
A Unique Philosophy
Unique Aesthetic Values
High Quality and Quality Assurance

Though many products don't have a long history to boast off, I believe that point 2 - 6 are still relevant and essential to successful branding for any type of product.

To end off, here's a quote from the book, which inspired me. The author said this when he mentioned Japan's education system started out from "copying" Western education. Here it goes:

"The 21st century will be an era of creativity. To achieve growth or to success in career development, both businesses and individuals will need creativity. Looking back, I can say that a real brand never wastes times copying others.. What is important is to constantly pursue new business models, with flexibility and breathe ideas, from product development through to the distribution process.

Into adulthood

2008-02-13T14:20:00.004+08:00

It's my last day at work today and I'll be moving on to a permanent job at brandedlifestyle.
No more am I just a student. I'm still studying at SIM in the evenings, of course, but I'm now considered a working adult who has to be responsible for all my expenses and bring dough to the family.

In the past, I could overspend and get allowances unashamed. Now, I feel the pressure of adulthood - bills, survival, going somewhere in life. Gone are the days when I can idle my time freely - Its gonna be a struggle waking up in the mornings to work and keeping awake late at night to do assignments. Nevertheless, I believe it is going to be another time of stretching my capacity and learning better time management.

Indeed all good things come from God, and I think this job opportunity as a marketing assistant was sent because of prayers.

2008 also draws a transition in the area of my relationship with Rallen as he is in the army now. Since we're not able to meet/talk freely as before, it is a time we grow independent of and dependent of each other at the same time. We're no longer dating teens, but it has become a relationship that embraces long-term commitment. I really do miss him though.

In the area of family and friends, I am also determined to make time out to build relationships.

I really look forward to this year... friends, keep me in prayers that I'll do well in studies and work!

don't lose sight

2008-01-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

The past few days left me a little disoriented with the worry of finding a new job, having a job that is in line with God's purpose for me, worried about coping with studies with a job, having not enough money, intimidation of so many goals in my goal setting card and an out-of-control mom.

All of a sudden - I lost sight of my vision. And feel that I'm going nowhere.
I was saddened, as the verse "without a vision, the people perish" repeated in my head.

In tears, I sobbed about not knowing what to do and being visionless.

Then, Rallen brought me back to reality.

It doesn't mean that when nothing is happening, you're not heading towards your vision.
It doesn't mean that when bad things are happening, you will lose your vision.

I was reminded of my first visions and the burdens that has been placed in my heart before.
I was reminded of how He has fulfilled little portions of the vision since.
I was reminded that a vision will expand, and grow; your vision may start out small, and become something unimaginable over time.

A friend of mine phrases it so well on his MSN nick, "If it is your dream, protect it.."
I should fight to protect my dream, and not let it so easily slip away, even in the midst of crisis.

It is great that I had put many plans in my goal setting card, it is great that I want a new job, i want bla bla..
But "there are many plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the lord's counsel - that will stand"
I should slow down and listen, and God will surely direct my path towards the ultimate purpose for my life.

second decade of my life

2007-12-20T20:20:00.000+08:00

It seems kinda weird that I'm only celebrating my twentieth so late in the year. It's like I've already been 20 for the whole year, and finally officially turning 20 and celebrating it, i'll be telling people I'm 21 this year in less than a month's time! OH MY GOODNESS, that is so scary. THAT MEANS people will officially treat me as an adult soon!

This year I did not have a big celebration, just got a few friends to come over to my place for dinner. Received quite a few gifts, but the best one - - was of course from Mr Sunflower. He is so incredibly sweet. In the morning, he came over to my place to pick me up to bring me to his house to reveal to me what he has prepared.

For the past weeks, he's been telling me that he was busy preparing my gift. So there I was.. waiting to see how much work he has done...

He passed to me a black box with pink embellishments on top, handmade.
I opened the box an staring at my face were two envelopes "Naughty" & "Nice".
He urged me to pick one and open. I opened the envelopes and found two naughty gifts!

There was also a Moleskin organiser. really cool stuff. And also a bottle of M&Ms which says "Keep Away from children M&Ms w nuts Take 1 tablet when depressed. Increase dosage for severe cases"

Here's the climax.

An album he made himself! It was a compilation of photographs and birthday wishes from my friends. Wow. It was not just those friends that he knew, but also some of my secondary school friends that he's never met before. Ah. the power of Facebook. One of the first few pages, I was so surprised to see my kiddy photo here! The one on top shows a 4yearold me in swimsuit. His partner in crime is actually my sister!
Finally, the message from him.
Reading the messages and seeing my older photographs with my friends really made me very touched. I teared when I saw a few messages from people I don't see anymore, but still hold them dearly in my heart. A gift can be expensive but memories (and relationships) are priceless. This album is a precious compilation of my life.

Mr Sunflower, you've brightened up my day once again. Thanks for your hard work and staying up beyond hours to do this.
And also. Thanks to all who have replied to his messages and made me a very happy person!

it only gets greater

2007-12-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

Every year, as the year draws to an end, I will look back at the exciting year past and wonder if the coming year could be as good as this year?
For the past few year-ends, I have been asking this question, but before I know it, God would have brought me through the next year with greater breakthroughs and more achievements.

I am continually in awe of how my life has progressed. The unimaginable has become reality and I cannot help but be excited about what lies ahead in 2008.

Things can only get better, greater.

First taste of marathon

2007-12-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

It was a chore to wake up when the alarm rang at 5:00am. Lazily I snoozed it for a few times (during which my mind said just skip the run..) After much struggling, I awoke and got changed into marathon attire. We took a cab to bras basah complex and left our belongings in my sister's friend's car. In that early hour, we already saw many who were dressed for the run and heading towards the esplanade. The guys' 10km run started at 7:15am and ours, 8:00am. For me, as a first timer, I was unsure if I could finish the race. After the unbearable wait, we stepped on the trackpad at the starting line. Hordes of us ladies ran! As we ran past Fullerton Hotel, a cold wind blast sent the chills. Next, we went by Lau Pa Sat, and the whiffs sent images of local hawker delights to my mind..I quickly dismissed the images and concentrated on the run. I was pretty surprised when I saw the sign to indicate we had finished 1km. Oh well, but it was still a long way. Adidas provided a tag in the runners package to get runners to write motivational messages and pin them on our backs during the run.
Along the way, there were some interesting ones, and I found they really do motivate fellow runners.
I particularly loved the pair of sisters who ran in cheerleading costume and held pompoms in their hands. One sister wrote on the tag on her back "My sister made me do this". Another runner wrote "I fought breast cancer to run this race." And many others encouraging others to continue to run.

I've never ran past 5 or 6km in my life, I believe and by the time I crossed the U-turn point, my mind lost its strength. I stopped for about a minute and continued..running, this time the legs heavier. The run between 7 - 8.point something km seemed to be pretty fast..until I saw the 9km sign.. I kept running.. craning my neck to find the finishing point but it seemed to be neverending.. and finally, a glimpse of the Padang. Now, to go for the last 150m! Off i went and crossed the finishing line! I felt really satisfied, having finished 10km for the first time in my life. I submitted my running chip and scooted drowsily to the info counter to find Patrick and Rallen sitting under a shade. Whoo. It was really a great experience!

this is how he motivates? "Are we there yet?"

too stoned to react to their bullying

Mr Sunflower

2007-10-12T11:49:00.000+08:00

Walking down the stairs I saw him reading. On the first glance, he kept his book and shoved a cream coloured envelope in my face, asking me to read it. The words, scribbly and small - I speedread as he prompted me to "faster read this". Opening the envelope, I took out a card with, again, scribbly small words in the centre (which I barely read) when he told me he has a surprise for me. There and then, I realised he had his right arm hidden behind his back through the last three minutes I met him.

The word "surprise" send the blood gushing to my cheeks and an instant "Oh no..No..You shouldn't have" to my mouth.

Despite my "No..." and my embrace to the wall to hide my face, he presented me with a huge sunflower.

It is the BIGGEST sunflower I've ever seen in my face.

There was so special occasion - but Mr Sunflower treated me to sushi for dinner, in celebration of being together for five months.

Bright, and greets chirpily you in the face - according to my best friend Vanessa, Ray is the sunflower personified. Cheesy, but he'll always bring you a smile and lighten up the mood.

Freedom

2007-10-06T00:57:00.000+08:00

Feeling down today?
Feel unpretty?
Think you're too fat or too skinny?
Wish you had a happier family?

Don't fret over these things. You are beautifully made and all things work out for good.
There's a reason why you here on earth, you have talents that other people might not have.
You can make a difference in somebody's life.

I watched a video about Nick Vujicic today. Nick's story is one that can be told over and over again. He was born without limbs and yet, through it all, he's been able to lead a normal live like the rest of us and inspiring many through his sharing. (Read more about him at www.lifewithoutlimbs.org . )

Now that I'm writing this, I am reminded of the several occasions Boon has mentioned about Nick to encourage us that we are able to do so much more if we look beyond limitations.

In Nick's video, he said that you find meaning and strength to live on when you discover your purpose in life. It is not about the temporary highs like sex, drugs and alcohol that makes you happy and keeps you going. But it is when you find your purpose, that's when you'll find true satisfaction. Then it will not matter what people think or say about you anymore, because you know who you are and where you are heading.

As the song goes, "You are my freedom.." Ever since I discovered my purpose in Christ, I found freedom - freedom from fear, freedom from what others think of me. That freedom came when I took faith measures to believe, and act out, and inch towards what God showed me.

Looking back, I really wonder where I would be, if I didn't avail myself, if I chose to pursue my otherwise. Though He has brought me far, I have not arrived. I would really be nothing without Christ. Much is given to those who are faithful over little.

It is time to rise up. It is time to serve.

----
I have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet
but at Your word Lord ill receive Your faith to walk on oceans deep

and i remember how You found me
in that very same place
all my failing surely would have drowned me.. but You made a way

YOU ARE MY FREEDOM
JESUS YOU'RE THE REASON
IM KNEELING AGAIN AT YOUR THRONE
WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU
HERE IN MY LIFE

You have said that all the heavens
sing for joy at one who finds the
Way to freedom truth of Jesus
bought from death into His life

and i remember how You saw me
through the eyes of Your grace
and though the cost was Your Beloved for me
still You made a way

YOU ARE MY FREEDOM
JESUS YOU'RE THE REASON
IM KNEELING AGAIN AT YOUR THRONE
WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU
HERE IN MY LIFE
HERE IN MY LIFE

You are my Freedom
Jesus you're the reason

2007-08-31T21:38:00.000+08:00

Relient K - "Getting Into You"

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

[Chorus]
I'm getting into You
Because You got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into You
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love You with my life

When he looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

[Chorus]

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person You deserve to worship You
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do You say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

[Chorus]

He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

________

(refuse to) communicate

2007-07-27T22:57:00.001+08:00

they speak words
usually spoken weary
sometimes, or most times
she preferred minimal talking
one-word or one-syllable answer, steering clear of squabble

it was not that they didn't love each other
it was not that they didn't care

it was to avoid the pain of rejection

communication died gradually
conversations ended in rejection continually
there left no space for opinions
thus discussion becoming obsolescent

even so, she tries occasionally
initiating a fair weather topic

she walks away, disappointed again.

adventure

2007-05-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

its been an adventure since the day I met You
i was frail and in need of hope
You came, nursed me though you were strange to me- I asked why?
You taught, imparted to me the ways of life
You loved, so that i in turn love those who cry

There were lows and highs
However, You've never let me go
I am so very thankful
for every single breath i breathe is a miracle

My life has been such an adventure

----------------------

Lord, I give you my best

Singapore Drumfest 2007

2007-04-26T00:52:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

Singapore Drumfest is happening for the first time in Asia! Unlike your usual concert, this is a two-day festival that brings you live entertainment by these world-class drummers! This show is not to be missed!
Check out the e-flyer below and do pass it on to all your friends!

SIGN UP FOR THE MAILING LIST HERE!

FOR MORE INFORMATION:
VISIT WWW.SINGAPOREDRUMFEST.COM or WWW.MYSPACE.COM/SGDRUMFEST
or EMAIL ENQUIRIES@SINGAPOREDRUMFEST.COM

Get your tickets at SISTIC today!

and he said being emo is a gift

2007-04-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

These 3 songs are officially banned from my itunes playlist. Don't get me wrong, the songs are beautifully written, played and sung. But they are too beautifully emotional too. My friend told me being emo is a gift. I think I'm too emo for my own good.

These songs are highly recommended for your listening pleasure!
They are uploaded on my multiply playlist.

enjoy=)

-----

"Boston" - Augustana

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

-----

"Coffee and Cigarettes" - Michelle Featherstone

I gave up coffee and cigarettes
I hate to say it hasn’t helped me yet
I thought my problems would just dissipate
And all my pain would be in yesterday

I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watched my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday

But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you

I thought that if I didn’t go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn’t go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday

But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you

I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these that kept me low
I thought if only I could try and change
That all my pain would be in yesterday

But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you

I must quit, I must quit, you

-----

"Too Close For Comfort" - McFly

I never meant the things I said
To make you cry
Can I say I'm sorry

It's hard to forget

And yes I regret
All these mistakes
I don't know why you're leaving Me
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes
I watch as you cry
But it's getting late

Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
Guess I'll never know

Remember when we scratched our names into the sand
And told me you loved me
But now that I find
That you've changed your mind
I'm lost for words
And everything I feel for you
I wrote down on one piece of paper
The one in your hand
You won't understand
How much it hurts to let you go

Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
Guess I'll never know

All this time you've been telling me lies
Hidden in bags that are under your eyes
And when I asked you I knew I was right

But if you turn your back on me now
When I need you most
But you chose to let me down

Won't you think about what you're about to do to me
And back down...

Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I'm wanting in
(Yeh yeh yeh)

What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
Driving you home
I guess I'll never know...

Decisions

2007-04-21T15:10:00.000+08:00

There has been so many decisions to be made lately.

I just made one last night which kept me awake the entire night.

It seems each time I made up my mind about a certain issue(after really weeks and months of consideration), it gets bounced back to me - that I should really take a different direction from what I chose.

One of these decisions is for my education options after poly.

Initially my options were:

1. SOT and then go for local uni
2. local uni - NTU, NUS, SMU
3. La Salle/Nafa
4. Go Australia - Advertising Creative (love the course, but can't bear to leave SG)
4. Private Uni - Marketing/Advertising
4. Raffles Design Institute

Time went past, I thought, and thought and prayed..
Bouncing here and there to all the campuses, the deadlines closed one by one.
As I flowed with circumstances and weighing the pros and cons, I settled on Raffles Design, because I've always had a passion for visual arts. It was also wisest to pick Raffles as it offers 3 years for a degree, instead of 4.

So finally, after so long, I've had a direction for my future.

I went on to find out about study loans etc. Now, my sister advised me against going Raffles as it will be really burdensome financially - I should wait ONE YEAR to go local uni instead.

So now, I'm super lost.
I don't know what I want to study in the local uni. I don't even know if I can get in.

But I have to complete my studies....

As a kid I've always known what I want and where I want to head in terms of studies.
But now, I just don't know anymore.

--

Frozen

2007-04-14T01:26:00.000+08:00

his words icy cold
the coldness crept right to her heart
numbing the bare tenderness
it slowly, freezes
the sensation of frostbites burns deep
burns so deep it hurts

and the raw heart freezes
stone cold, stone hard

brittle and unfeeling the heart became
unlike its former hotblooded tenderness

pieces broken off
she let them be

my friend, my beloved child
don't let it be?
don't let that man hurt you again

there's someone else who loves you more
who yearns to give you warmth
take it slow, take time to grow
there's no hurry in love, its not war

i'll be there for you
for hugs and joy, for tears and pain

-----

- The story of a beautiful heart somebody once told me -

One day a young man was standing in the middle
of the town proclaiming that he had the most
beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large
crowd gathered and they all admired his heart
for it was perfect.
There was not a mark or a flaw in it.
Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most
beautiful heart they had ever seen.
The young man was very proud and boasted
more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of
the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not
nearly as beautiful as mine."

The crowd and the young man looked at the
old man's heart. It was beating strongly,
but full of scars, it had places where pieces
had been removed and other pieces put in, but
they didn't fit quite right and there were
several jagged edges. In fact, in some places
there were deep gouges where whole pieces
were missing.

The people stared -- how can he say his heart
is more beautiful, they thought?
The young man looked at the old man's heart
and saw its state and laughed.

"You must be joking," he said.
"Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect
and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect
looking but I would never trade with you.
You see, every scar represents a person to
whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece
of my heart and give it to them, and often
they give me a piece of their heart which fits
into the empty place in my heart, but because
the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges,
which I cherish, because they remind me of the
love we shared. "Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart
away, and the other person hasn't returned
a piece of his heart to me. These are the
empty gouges -- giving love is taking a chance.

Although these gouges are painful, they stay open,
reminding me of the love I have for these people too,
and I hope someday they may return and fill the
space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running
down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man,
reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart,
and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old
man with trembling hands

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart
and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and
placed it in the wound in the young man's heart.
It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect
anymore but more beautiful than ever,
since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.
They embraced and walked away side by side.

Love Protects

2007-04-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

There has been a friend that has felt much unjust regarding how leaders are biased towards
their own members. That should anybody confront a particular unhappy incident, the leaders will always protect the accused member instead of siding with the wronged party.

To some people, such attitudes of the leader could be deemed unwise judgement.

However, the explanation to this is:

Love always protects.

From Max Lucado's A Love Worth Giving : "Here is what love says: Love says nothing. Love stays silent. "Love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8 NASB). Love doesn't expose. It doesn't gossip. If love says anything, love speaks words of defense. Words of kindness. Words of protection."

Like how a mother protects her child who plays truant and smokes heavily - she continues praying that he will change his ways and serves him daily with meals and cleaning his mess

Like how a friend who fends for her bestie when the rest of the class cracks nasty jokes about her - there may be some truth in it but she stands by her friend with encouragements

Like how Jesus never failed to forgive us, when we lied, swore, spoke hurtful words, he forgave even the adulterers! - He never condemned or gave up on us. Instead He gave us a chance, or rather, many chances to start afresh.

Jesus offered us a cloak of love. Do you know somebody who needs this cloak of love?

Imagine

2007-03-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

Thousands of people were before me as I kept the beats on the drums, they were cheering. My heartbeat went faster, it was too great a vision to conceive, I thought to myself as I opened my eyes. Nevertheless, with my hands lifted, I received what I saw and it became something that spurs me on. That was in a particular service, about 3 - 4 years back.

I loved the drums, and that is with special thanks to my bestie in sec school who introduced me to it, and a special someone who ignited my interest in rock music. These two people have then faded away, in my life, sadly. But I still am thankful to them.

Well. I dreamed of playing drums so well, that I would play at gigs and gigs and more gigs.
However, I've been discouraged, by my mom, who violently objects to my passion. I remember the afternoons when I ran out of the house for drum lessons, teary-eyed and with a hoarse voice after heated arguments.

After sometime, I managed to save up for a set, and it was all blessing and miracle when I finally managed to bring the Tama Stagestar home after months of "hiding" it in my guitarist's home.
Jamming sessions were going nowhere, and I had no avenue to play. I wasn't even good enough.

Then at that point in life, drumming was at a standstill.

Until, somehow, I experienced a breakthrough in The Strikeforce. I began to hunger to improve, and I learnt that drumming was not just drumming. With that, The Strikeforce does it as a team, to bring on a PERFORMANCE, a SHOW. I met people who share the passion for drumming and people who help you ENLARGE your vision. Through this, as iron sharpens iron, there is a provoking to want to do more and to be better.

And there and then.. one day, during a gig I realised that, this was what God was showing me in 2003 - Thousands of people watching and cheering you on, as you bring on the show.

Back then, I was even too shy to tell people of this vision I saw.
Wasn't that too ambitious?
Wasn't that too adventurous?
Wasn't that just a silly dream?

But now, I'm convinced.
Like what Ps. Casey Treat said, "When you close you eyes, you see MORE than with your eyes, because you have the vision in your heart."

Once again, I have to renew my mind and heart, so that I can see Greater, and Bigger visions. I'm not gonna stop here, simply because I know the earlier visions have come to past. BUT REALLY because, they have come to past, I should believe for even Greater things.

It all started with a desire to play drums and to perform, and then a vision birthed forth, and then everything just fell into place.

"If you can see it, if you can believe it, you can be a part of it."

2007-03-20T09:47:00.000+08:00

I woke up with a bullet in my head
These burning memories are fading to ashes
Scenes keep flashing
the times we spent laughing
the frivolity and spontaneity
the words that touched me

I hold my last breath
I lie in peace with the gun in my hand

Weary

2007-03-20T01:35:00.001+08:00

The desire deep within
to find rest and peace
Only in You, my God
Where the laughter fades
and the human strength is in lack
Your word is read
My soul waits

Seconds... thoughts run eagerly
Minutes...nothing is happening
Hour...an overwhelming touch, flooding my eyes with warm tears

Renewal of strength
Joy births forth
It's time to run, again.

4 words for Love

2007-02-28T13:02:00.000+08:00

"Did you know the Greeks have 4 different words for Love? That’s not fair! I
think I deserve to have a way to say I really love ice cream and I really
love my Nanny (grandma) without bringing my Nanny into a world of lactose
intolerance and a madman’s craving for chocolatey deliciousness.

Eros is the passionate love, with sensual desire and longing; where erotic
comes from.
Philia is friendship, a dispassionate virtuous love.
Storge is natural affection, like that felt by parents for children, or
little ones for Nanny.
Agape – THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE – is an all-inclusive unconditional love.
This is the one widely used in religious teachings. To have agape is to see
all people doing the best they can with the light they’ve got. Agape is not
spoken about. It’s a space you rest in, a state of being that is pure
uninhibited love. Someone in this state is not looking for a return on the
investment. In fact they don’t see it as an investment at all. This is
remarkable compassion."

- extracted from Jason Mraz's Vday journal entry

im a rawk starrrr

2007-02-27T01:06:00.000+08:00

[click to view conversation]

what to say?
It's just me..it's meant to be.. hahahahah

and matt dedicated "rock star" to me..
sweet.

i just wanna have fun on stage.

keep dreaming

2007-02-24T03:24:00.000+08:00

I dream

of crafting works with my hands, that will be appreciated by many
of writing pieces to encourage the hearts that have grown weary
of painting vivid stories on the canvases in the minds of people
of developing concepts that inspire and innovate
of building structures out of the world to fill the present empty spaces
of composing songs that touches deeply and changes lives
of scripting epic stageplays and films
of spreading joy through entertainment media

of a world who learns acceptance for every living being
of a human race driven by love
of a society, which understands and forgive
of a people who perservere for the truth

i dream, i dream

maybe i dream too much.

i love you both

2007-02-23T16:38:00.000+08:00

perservering, forgiving and faithful
no matter how naughty, selfish and inconsiderate i am

we find frustration communicating with each other
i lose my patience easily
most times being too caught up in my own world
thinking that my work is more important
thinking that fighting for the future is more crucial

i remain oblivious to the fact that while i work so hard to grow up
they will grow old too

i stopped communicating, but they continue to be interested in my life
sometimes i say words and do things that hurt them
most of the times i forget to show my appreciation and love

i don't wanna look back in my life and regret neglecting them,
like Adam Sandler in Click.

Mommy, i love you for protecting me and cooking great dishes for me.
Daddy, i love you for being supportive and spoiling me by doing things for me.

Thanks for providing for me and bringing me up.

i love u both.

Vday

2007-02-14T16:55:00.000+08:00

Changed the title image for my blog, it's been there for too long.. ahhaha

Now my blog just looks ugly, black and white.

I've not touched my blog nor had the time to blogsurf.. since.. duno when.
Read a post my friend wrote and he mentioned that he feels kinda emo today..

It's Valentine's Day

my bestie called me and asked, "What are you doing girl?"
"Feeling emo."
"Why?"
"Don't know."

ha. and my emo-ness made me change the title image for my blog.

I guess I'm not the only one feeling this way.

To all who are single: You don't have to feel loser-ish, there are so many great friends around.
To all who are hurt and scarred from a relationship: You're worth more than this, it's better without him or her.
To all who are divorced/separated: You're stronger than what you think, spend this time to appreciate your other family members.
To all who are going out as dating couples: Sweet. Be more romantic can?
To all who are going out as married couples: Wah, Sweeter. Even if u cannot, please be at least 3 times more handsome, prettier and slimmer than usual.
To all who are attached but not going out with your partner today: OEI, wake up your idea! this is an over commercialized day but still, you want your other half to envy other couples?

ok. uhhhm.

haha. crapping.

2006-12-06T00:37:00.000+08:00

in my head a rhythm rings
in my heart a small voice sings

driving me on each day
drawing me closer to the upward call

my body feels weak
frustrated with the little hours of sleep
often i find myself consumed by fatigue

nevertheless the spirit reigns over the flesh
overcoming the lethargy
taking control over uncontrollable emotions

Victory prevails

_______________________________________

Been really stretched and overstretched and toostretched and stretched.

I need more time... more time with my friends, more time with my family, more time for myself, more time more more more....

Many of us who are stretched often wished we had more than 24 hours. In fact, some even feel unjust for the lack of time and the numerous tasks at hand. Years ago, my senior pastor actually commented that "24 hours was not enough" for him to a foreign pastor. As a pastor and founder of a church, it was understandable he would say that because he not just had to handle the pioneering work(aka "Sai Gahng"), he also had to preach, to disciple, to shepherd the many many members in the church.
At the point when he mentioned "24 hours was not enough" to a foreign pastor, he got rebuked!
The foreign pastor said something like, "God is fair, He gave everybody 24 hours. If 24 hours is not enough, it means you don't know how to manage your time!"

When I heard this story, I felt convicted. As much as I wished there were more than 24 hours a day, I also know that I had to manage my time better.

Yup.. I need to manage my time well, so that in the midst of drumming practices and perfomances, I would not neglect my studies. And in the midst of drumming and academic work, I would continue to build and maintain relationships with friends and family members.

TIME MANAGEMENT

2006-11-23T23:21:00.000+08:00

The hay fever's making me irritatable..I woke up, struggling in my head whether to sleep in and skip web design
or to go web design and skip afternoon's colour and composition, so that I can return to recover from the terrible mind-nose-eyes-lungs-wrenching sickness.
I decided to go for morning class and hopefully recover by afternoon, so that I would not miss any class.
I jumped out of bed, crossing my fingers.
I dilly-dalied to pack my huge bagpack, took my files, wallet, water bottle, A3 drawing block.
After my refreshing bath, it was 20 mins to class time.
In my gancheongness, I broke my adidas eau de toilette.
the blue liquid splattered the floor, my heart pinched as i held the broken glass
Was getting really late for school, I had to take a cab

During the 3-hour web design tutorial, I was sneezing half the time.
BLAH BLAH. I decided I would skip afternoon class.

I brought my huge drawing block and paint brushes for nothing.
So, I walked to the bus stop to go home.. and i realised I didn't bring my ez link card, i CABBED again

and then i went home.. rested.. and now I'm feeling better.

So What's the point of this story?

Somebody buy me a new bottle of perfume!!

HAHAHAHAHAH

war in the skies

2006-11-21T13:31:00.000+08:00

Somewhere beneath the clouds
Beyond the furthest skies visible to the naked eye

the angels are at war

with crafty eyes, the devil sneaks
with fancy footwork, he confuses the angelic beings
he attacks secretly, yet in the open

despite the outrage and afflictions
dignity remains

the skirmish perseveres
our prayers perservere

maybe

2006-11-12T00:18:00.000+08:00

maybe i will grow up
maybe i won't

maybe you will fall in love with me
maybe my heart will grow cold when you do

maybe i will become an artist
maybe i can be a pastor
maybe i will own businesses
maybe i will end up an office girl

someday i might get married
someday i might be with the man of my dreams
then again, that happens in the movies
i guess, for now it's ok to dream

maybe i will get to travel around the world
maybe i will enjoy romance in France
maybe i will get adventurous in Egypt
maybe KL and Batam is all i will get

maybe i will fall in ~~puppy~~ love many times
each time with someone new

even then, i might not be able to forget you

maybe i will become a songwriter
maybe i will be an author of many books
maybe my works will appreciated by thousands
maybe i will simply continue to blog

maybe someday i will not like rock music anymore
maybe my kids will think i am so old-fashioned
then again right now, i just wanna listen to my emocore

maybe i will have to accept the fact
that time and tide waits for no man
maybe i will have to accept the fact
that maturity comes with the acceptance of responsibilities

maybe i can believe
that all my dreams can become reality
maybe i can achieve
the highest potential ever, within me

day by day i grow up
i grow up

----------------------------

Felt like writing, and i started. and then this came out. This is inspired by something i heard on the radio a few weeks ago.

random. Love, share, give

2006-11-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hung out with Nessa Esther and Nat after school on Fri. We were dead tired after school, didn't do much but it was fun. Cam-whoring at WhiteSands Mac, ChaiChee porridge at blk 85 market, jamming at my house after that. Quality time.

One of my favourite people on earth! My first friend in CMM. Hit it off immediately. She taught me how to show love freely, to sing like you're singing to the world, that it is ok to give a piece (or many pieces) of my heart to a person even if it means ending up scarred. I LOVE VANESSA.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since I don't have time to pour out my thoughts..

I'll just make this short.

A few quotes from other blogs I chanced upon:

I remember the first day I met Boon, my drum leader, he said, "You are not good until your neighbour as good as yourself."
Reading this from a fellow musician friend just reminded me to be less complacent:

"well if the guitarist sucks, well then pull him up, bring him up to another level!
So, remember, if you're talented, and good at wat you do, but you cant make your fellow drummer, or bassist or keyboardist or guitarist or wat not as good as yourself, then really, you are only good for yourself :) Just dat, nothing else. And so the question is, how good can dat be really?"

Just a few days back, I was really inspired at how my friend was going the extra mile for the guy she likes, even knowing that it might not be reciprocated the same way. When I read the following from another musician friend's blog, it hit me:

"
It is about going the extra mile, doing things that are not "you", being frank and funny, and it doesn't matter if the person reads it as love or not. Love is a gesture and something that I learnt from the most perfect person on the earth."

so what's the conclusion? Musicians are not just EMOtional but we think ok, we think think think alot. Our brains move. hahah crappy.

ok the point is, we are all living on the same earth, living to make each others' lives better. As iron sharpens iron, we learn from each other, eventually making the world a better place. hahaha THE POINT IS,

Live, not just for yourself. Love, and be free.

STUCKITITIS

2006-10-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

I struggled, this morning.

I wondered, what it would be like to carry on the day, when it started badly.

I needed, some form of encouragement.

I opened, this book

Before my eyes, the words I read shocked me.

"Chapter 2: LOVING THE PEOPLE YOU ARE STUCK WITH - a forgiving heart"

I couldn't believe it.
I was just having an overheated discussion with my mom.
Helpless, hopeless after that

The past haunted me
A stumbling block
I stumbled over and over again

When I opened the book, I knew God was here
In the midst of the argument, when I forgot His presence

I'm suffering from STUCKITITIS
my definition: this is a condition which one is feeling frustrated because he/she is stuck in a relationship which he/she has no choice but to stay in it, and has to accept and love the other party no matter what
This applies to the following situations:

The desperate housewife and her non-communicator husband
The burnt-out husband and his non-understanding nagging wife
The flustered mom and her rebellious kid
The depressed kid and his even more depressed mom
The excited kid who has lost interest in his pet

The book says:
"SUCH ARE THE QUESTIONS WE ASK WHEN WE FEEL STUCK WITH SOMEONE. THERE IS A WORD FOR THIS CONDITION. UPON CONSULTING THE ONE-WORD MEDICAL DICTIONARY (WHICH I WROTE THE DAY BEFORE I CRAFTED THIS CHAPTER), I DISCOVERED THAT THIS CONDITION IS A COMMON MALADY KNOWN AS STUCKITITIS. (STUCK MEANING “TRAPPED.” ITITIS BEING THE SIX LETTERS YOU TAG ON TO ANY WORD YOU WANT TO SOUND IMPRESSIVE. READ IT OUT LOUD: STUCKITITIS.) MAX’S MANUAL OF MEDICAL TERMS HAS THIS TO SAY ABOUT THE CONDITION:

Attacks of stuckititis are limited to people who breathe and typically occur somewhere between birth and death. Stuckititis manifests itself in irritability, short fuses, and a mountain range of molehills. The common symptom of stuckititis victims is the repetition of questions beginning with who, what, and why. Who is this person? What was I thinking?
Why didn’t I listen to my mother?"

There are 3 ways to cope with STUCKITITIS:

FLEE
FIGHT
or
FORGIVE

Because I wasn't given the chance to, I couldn't flee.
I fought. and fought. and fought.
I thought I forgave.
But I was fighting to forgive.

I'm stuck, but with His grace I can overcome this.

Just like the way Jesus loved us,
even though we are filthy irritating childish naughty

His mercy has taught us to forgive.

read the entire chapter of the book mentioned here.

Screamo

2006-10-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

who says listening to screamo makes me depressed?

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. EPH 6:12

actually it does get me depressed, but it's about the right selection.
Underoath is one of my all time favourites - try it, u MIGHT like it. (not for the faint hearted)

he'll never know

2006-10-16T00:38:00.000+08:00

She'll never forget how his eyes sparkled in the dark
That very moment that melted her heart

Getting close to him was what she yearned
The days they didn't meet simply made her heart sick

his humour has influenced her
his words have become a part of her
being beside him, that's where she longs to be

Days and months went past
she could only wish for the good times to last

"the worst way to miss a person is to be beside a person, yet knowing you can't have the person",
her bestie once said to her
which, sad to say, in her case, this would be

he'll never know how excited she was everytime they meet
he'll never know that she remembers everything he said
he'll never know how much he has brightened her life

he'll never know how she cries herself to sleep
he'll never know that he has changed her life

he'll never know.
he'll never know.

----------------------------------------------------

this is really a stupid poem.
hahaha but ya.

ANYWAY I'm really HAPPY cos I just set up a keyboard in my jamming room!!!

Keyboard and drumssss.. I started playing on the keyboard today, It was so fun..

Anybody wants to jam?

I got guitar too... but not electric haha..

WEEE~

When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.

2006-10-13T18:52:00.000+08:00

No storm can put out this fire

All of us were really in the same flow at last night's CGM.

The few of us who shared testimony - it was all about how God placed His purpose in our lives
Little did we know, the sermon for this week was "Building a life of Purpose"!

On Jimmy's closing for the message, he said that Passion can influence others.
He also mentioned this quote:

"When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn. " John Wesley

Wow.

SERIOUSLY, I never considered myself passionate about drumming until recently, when my boss at Shell introduced me as "passionate about drumming" to some externals we were meeting.

And this leads me to how astounded I am, when I look back upon my six months at Shell.

I've been saying this...but I can't help but say it again.

This past six months has been the toughest, albeit the best time of my life.

I remember when this internship started, I was so depressed. I couldn't find a purpose. And I couldn't stop counting down, the more I counted, the more depressed I got.
I was also very tired due to the long weekend trainings for National Day, on top of that, frequent late night practices for corporate gigs. I had little rest.

However, this has also been the best period of my life, because everything that I lived upon was based on faith.

Getting permission to leave work early for rehearsals/gigs
Getting permission to take one week break for KL Emerge Conference
Getting permission from my mom to go KL (despite her initial threats and anger, I believed something happened when she told me to "be careful when you go KL")
Having financial provision for the KL trip
Having His joy and strength at work despite lack of sleep
Having His creativity and positivity to take on the roles I never thought I could at Shell
Having His anointing and skill to play various roles which I thought I couldn't when performing with Strikeforce

It is simply amazing.

I thank Him for the favour He has placed in my life, the favour from my boss and colleagues.
I thank Him because though I have been stretched, He has also used me to impact hundreds and thousands of people through the performances He has sent me to.

All glory to the Lord!

No storm can put out this fire

2006-10-13T17:21:00.000+08:00

It's Friday the 13th.
I lost my one and a half month old wallet.
I'm sad. It's a new Roxy wallet I bought from KL.

I have to move on, oh well.

I was so bothered.. Loss results in loss of hope.
It hinders your motivation in moving forward.

Losing my wallet means I cannot go ahead with my plans normally
Distracting me from doing my report
Having to set aside all other tasks to report loss to the various authorities

My head was brimming with negative thoughts and questions
My heart was searching for the reasons - "How did this happen?" "Why did God allow this to happen?" "I should have withheld myself from hanging out last night when there were second thoughts in the first place." "Shitty me, so careless."
"This is just an act of the devil to distract me from moving on."

I was struggling inside.
How could I still praise God in this situation? (The tune "Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns played in my head.)
I can't find a reason to..

Opening my bible, Romans 5:3-5 (NLT) read:
"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

I was bowled over when I read this.

Yes, nothing should bring me down. This happened because of my carelessness, but it is ok, I'll just move on, and be more careful.

Romans 8:26 (NLT)
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weaknesses.."

I have to remain vigilant.

1 Oct 2006 - A wonderful day

2006-10-06T00:48:00.001+08:00

Those pics were taken at Mediacorp last Sunday. We were there as guest performers for Channel 8's "It's Showtime!", which was hosted by Zhong Qing and Guo Liang. While we were backstage, Zhong Qing walked past and I asked Neo, "You remember her?"

He went, "Yeah of course! Fang tian.." I was like, "Huh, who's fang tian?"

Then I realised he was referring to 'fang4 dian4' (to give electricity) in Chinese.

I was so tickled, because Neo, being South African, didn't remember Kym Ng as Kym Ng, but as the celebrity who 'fang dian'..

What happened was, some months ago, we were performing for the NTUC Union May Day Dinner and Kym Ng was the compere.
While we were having our long break, the group of us immediately chorused "Fang Dian!" to Robin when Kym Ng walked past.
Kym Ng responded to our attempt to jisiao Robin. She turned her neck around and battered her eyelids at us. I swear, at that moment, even I was charmed by her sparkly eyes.

Anyway, the gig was a great experience for me.
I thank God for the chance to try so many new things, from the rack, to crosshands etc. The last time I did those two, I screwed up real bad. And I told myself I wanted to be ready for rack and crosshand the next time we perform, but I never knew it would be so soon! But thank God for the anointing for this performance (and many more to come!)

We had a powerful service last Sunday as well.
Even before preaching started, during worship, tears were just flooding my face. (Thank God I didn't put makeup that day)
As we sang, the Lord renewed me with his strength, affirmed me with His words. It was like Him telling me that He has seen my hard work, that He is pleased because I have given Him my youth and laid down my life for Him. I was so touched, because I've been so stretched especially this internship period. The tears just couldn't stop flowing..

The past six months has really been the toughest yet best time of my life..
Shall talk more about this in my next post...

the pain opened my eyes

2006-09-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

Incident on 23 Sep 06, ard 230am.

It's been a long day, a long week
I stretched my body, snuggled warm in bed
time for rest, i fell, to appease my lethargy
as I barely caught that forty winks
a sharp pain came from inside of me
Sullen, I scrambled to the WC

A false alarm for diarrhoea it turned out
I barged back to my blankets half drowsy half grumpy
To my exasperation, the pain would not cease

In the midst of it, it appears a creepy crawlie got me
I itched and twitched and couldn't stop scratching
To the WC again, I washed the itch
Now the pain was gone, but the itch wouldn't cease!

Infuriated, I took a deep breath
I found my breath accompanied with an asthmatic wheeze
My nostrils were congested
My ears were burning
My heart raced

I paced calmly to the mirror
Propagating around my eyes were rashes resembling insect bites

I looked at my arms and legs
The outbreak of rashes was all over me

I need the doctor
I need prayers
I need to cry
I need GOD!!!!!

I prayed, without a voice, just wheezes

"Was I going to die?"
"Is it a terminal disease?"
"Is this the end of the many things I have to do?"
"How am I going to turn up for the photoshoot tomorrow?"
"Does this mean I can't go back to work on Monday?"
"Does this mean I can't perform?"

ARGH.

I called my leader at 240am
He answered, in a drowsy fashion
He prayed for me and asked me to wake my parents.

I did.

To CGH I went.
2 jabs was what they gave me
I slept, while my mother stayed awake
After a 2 hour nap, I was awakened by the freezing coldness

the rash was gone
the asthmatic wheeze was gone
the burning sensation was gone
the pain was gone

the nurse, without a wink said,
"Miracle ah. Ok can go home."

I couldn't wait to get home.

The question remains
What resulted in this crazy episode
Which got me annoyed and fearful
Which made me learn to be more careful
Which taught me to love the people around me,
for God has made them so wonderful

_______________________________________________________________

This was what happened to me.
I was freaked out like nothing.
I wanna thank Jimmy for answering my call and praying for me though he was asleep, thank Jennifer for calming me down, thank my mom for going to the hospital with me. AND my Strikeforce friends who visited me!

I was so touched and shocked to see you guys --
Shona, Benedict, Reid, Ian, Sharlyn, Jennifer, Suat, Alvin, Kangwei, Queelam..!
I hope I didn't miss out anybody.

It was quite saddening I couldn't make it for the photoshoot, but nonetheless, it warms my heart to be in this family.

We're not just a percussion group
We're not just ministry mates
We're not just a bunch of people with similar interests
We're committed to a common vision
Bound together by the love of Christ
Working towards a higher calling
We're one family
One Band
One Sound
StrikeForce

Reset

2006-09-18T23:30:00.004+08:00

I must Realign my life
Renew my mind
Stop Recycling futile thoughts
Stop Rehearsing abandoned hurts

The Lord has Redeemed me
Removed all sin and condemnation

my spirit was dead, but now Resurrected
He breathed into me, Restored my life
I'm now Reconciliated with Christ

Regression dies, as I live upon His word
I entrust myself to His work of Regeneration
Together we'll bring forth Revolution

I move on.

Two Lists You Should Look at Every Morning

You will give so much, and love your all, until one day, you can’t give anymore.

Lessons during this period of "alone-ness"

You can know so much, yet not know at all.

two of the things that light up my life - reflections of my current, past and future.

相信付出会有代价 代价只是一句傻瓜

Michael Bastian to Design for Gant - Men's Wear News - WWD.com

Fashion Victim - Poetry

Origin of two-day weekend

Oh you perceive my thoughts from afar.

Nike Wolverine Vs. Sabretooth Pack | Big Nike Hi & Air Max 95

3 things I covet for but will never get this Spring Summer 2009

a world that strives for?

Chill out after stressful day

It's hard to say - The Used

Destiny

Reborn as Ashlyn Julia Tan on 28 Feb 09

Rallen fashion sia...

Valentines Day 2009 Pt 2

Valentines Day 2009 Pt 1

touched by the piano

Spot the similarity

DIY music video COOL

NO SCHOOL NO MORE

No Doubt is back no doubt about it!

2009

21st Birthday Party Invite by Ray

Cutest Music Video ever - for those in love

Believing in God's Providence

rat race

Onitsuka Tigers vending machine

The Harem pants

Taipei - 26 - 30 Oct

I hope to live like this song sings

10,000 hours away

love the beach

the last time I heard

What color do you feel like today?

Dangerous heels this season

i want to breathe easy

Happy 21st to Rallen

pot of surprise

My office location

complete

Is it worth

Memorable quotes from The Dark Knight

Singapore Band Challenge

snuff out and walk away

maybe i should just shut up

24 - Switchfoot

Evening out at Siglap

What's in a puff that leaves me wanting

They inspire (Pt 1 - Music)

Giving it all, or not

L'Amour De Ma Vie

Vindicated

who i am is because of him

industry slaves

把爱放开

Let the shadows prove

Feel, Imagine, and Write

Review: Louis Vuitton Japan: The Building Of Luxury by Kyojiro Hata

Into adulthood

don't lose sight

second decade of my life

it only gets greater

First taste of marathon

Mr Sunflower

Freedom

(refuse to) communicate

adventure

Singapore Drumfest 2007

and he said being emo is a gift

Decisions

Frozen

Love Protects

Imagine

Weary

4 words for Love

相信付出会有代价代价只是一句傻瓜